Days Like Today

Today was just a regular summer day with my family.  Noah played Star Wars with the neighbors. I helped the girls with riding their bikes and pushed them on the swing set.  We went to the pool. The kids seemed to have  a blast and their smiles, dirty feet, and exhausted yawns showed me it was worth it.  Despite all the fun, I must admit that today was a harder day for me.  I continued to think of Judah.  I continued to think of how he was missing out on all the normal every day activities that we do. I continued to think of how I was missing out on his smiles and how I don't yet know how he acts when he reaches his full of fun exhaustion. I continue to pray for him and trust that he realizes we are coming as soon as we can. Honestly, I am beginning to come to an understanding that we will probably not get a court date until after the judges have come back from their break.  And I am accepting that we will probably go to Africa at the end of August or the beginning of September.  I know that many families that are going through the adoption process must wait much longer then we have had to (and I pray for them often)-but on days like today-I just want Judah here.  I just want to push him on a swing. . .I just want to help him on his bike. . .  and I can't wait for the day that he is playing Star Wars with the neighbors.  On days like today, I look at his sweet picture.  I see him swinging on an old dirty tire swing and yet look at his amazing smile-so full of joy.   I read this recently in Elisabeth Elliot's, Keep a Quiet Heart.   I am memorizing it so that it is hidden in my heart for days like today. 

Lord, give to me a quiet heart

That does not ask to understand, 

But confident steps forward in 

The darkness guided by Thy hand.