Today was just a regular summer day with my family. Noah played Star Wars with the neighbors. I helped the girls with riding their bikes and pushed them on the swing set. We went to the pool. The kids seemed to have a blast and their smiles, dirty feet, and exhausted yawns showed me it was worth it. Despite all the fun, I must admit that today was a harder day for me. I continued to think of Judah. I continued to think of how he was missing out on all the normal every day activities that we do. I continued to think of how I was missing out on his smiles and how I don't yet know how he acts when he reaches his full of fun exhaustion. I continue to pray for him and trust that he realizes we are coming as soon as we can. Honestly, I am beginning to come to an understanding that we will probably not get a court date until after the judges have come back from their break. And I am accepting that we will probably go to Africa at the end of August or the beginning of September. I know that many families that are going through the adoption process must wait much longer then we have had to (and I pray for them often)-but on days like today-I just want Judah here. I just want to push him on a swing. . .I just want to help him on his bike. . . and I can't wait for the day that he is playing Star Wars with the neighbors. On days like today, I look at his sweet picture. I see him swinging on an old dirty tire swing and yet look at his amazing smile-so full of joy. I read this recently in Elisabeth Elliot's, Keep a Quiet Heart. I am memorizing it so that it is hidden in my heart for days like today.
Lord, give to me a quiet heart
That does not ask to understand,
But confident steps forward in
The darkness guided by Thy hand.
oh my word...how i have felt this all this weekend.
ReplyDeletei must've found you somehow through the oatsvall's blog. we in the process of adopting from uganda...though we don't have a referral yet. even still, we still feel that the 2 children God has called us to are already so much a part of our family that my heart missed them terribly this perfect summer weekend.
looking forward to reading back more about your journey. your family (of 6!) is beautiful and i am going to be praying for you!
blessings!
~lovelyn
i really should have proofread that. i think it is somehow still readable. =)
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