Sunday, August 30, 2009

Peace and Rest

Well, I must say I have been feeling such a mix of emotions lately...lots of ups and downs. If you can, please, please read Katie's newest post on her blog "kissesfromkatie".....I have had a heavy heart ever since. Things lately just are out of my control...I honestly can not give a direct answer about anything right now in my life. Daily everyone you have a court date....when do you think you will leave for Africa? Ryan's fall term began and he is commuting every other weekend. In the past few weeks at two different times I have been asked to pray about adopting another child. The first opportunity was a domestic bi-racial baby. The birth mother had no previous pregnangcy care and was in denial that she was even pregnant. Ryan and I talked, prayed, and fasted....this was not our baby to take. I can tell you now that a wonderful couple already adopted that precious little one...thank you Jesus! The second opportunity was a little girl who lives in Africa. I don't know all the details but she needs an operation regarding her brain...if she has the operation she should be just fine...if she does not get the operation her capabilities will be slim. My heart is ripping out regarding this little girl...maybe because my own father passed from a brain tumor....maybe because I feel helpless. After much prayer, I do not think that God is telling our family to adopt her....but I continue to lift her up in hopes that someone will feel that calling. Maybe it is the guilt of not adopting those two little ones, maybe it is the craziness of taking care of the three little ones while Ryan is out of town, maybe it is the waiting to get Judah.....I don't know but I feel out of control....oh Lord, will you take control because I can't do it. Katie's newest post is piercing to the think that children around this world live in boxes....have worms literally coming out of their bodies....or have white hair because of the lack of is mind- wrecking. I am still processing...I am still praying...I feel at loss of how to help...I feel guilt that I can not do more. My little Emma Lynn came into my room this afternoon and asked if we could snuggle...then she asked if we could watch Judah's video where he is laughing. She watched the video on my laptop over and over and then she immediately feel asleep for a nap right beside the laptop. It was as if she wanted to make sure that Judah was okay...and after seeing his smiling face she could be at peace and rest. And it hit me....all I can do is what the Lord asks of me for today. I can continue to advocate for the orphan, I can continue to support where He leads, I can continue to educate my own children for the hurting so that one day they might feel called to take care of those in need. God does not have me living in Africa feeding that village....but I can send support....and I can pray....and ultimately I must be at peace and rest in the arms of Jesus.


  1. I just recently found Katie's blog and I have been wrecked ever since. I am praying that the Lord would let us be able to adopt if it is His will. I have NO IDEA how this would happen but He is God and He can figure it out. :) I love you and your honesty has been such an encouragement to me. God has recently been reminding me that He has not called me to understand but to humbly obey. This has brought me lots of peace with really hard stuff lately. I am praying for you. I pray God brings Judah to your arms SOON! Keep writing. I am learning from you, sister.

  2. Hey Lindsey!
    So fun to find you and "see" you and your family! Cheryl told me that you guys were adopting and told me about your blog. Wow! What an amazing journey. Your kiddos are so precious and that Judah with a smile that will make you melt! I hope that you are able to hold him in your arms soon, but it seems that just your pictures and the knoweledge of you all as his family brings him lots of joy! That post on Katie's blog was really gut wrenching. It's soo, so horrible that people live that way! It is just wrong. I think that you are right, though, in doing what you can, educating and teaching your kids to do what they can, and praying are 3 big things. It can be overwhelming to see needs in so many places. One time recently I started to get so overwhelmed with things i wanted to do, people i wanted to help, feed the poor, help the widows,etc etc all things that God has told us to do. I was reminded by a wise woman that He also has a relationship with each of us, and He will tell you what he wants YOU to do...what he wants you specifically to do. She said, He may lead you to a person to give them a hug, and then to walk away. But, we feel led to that person and then want to fix and help them when the Holy Spirit has just led us to them for one purpose and then wanted us to move on. I thought this was very helpful and calmed the overwhelming feeling in me. We are called to abide in Him and listen to HIS leadings(not anyone else's!). That's it. And it sounds like that is what you are doing. I will pray for you and your family in your waiting time, and I will also pray for you that you wouldn't carry the weight of the burdens of the world on your shoulders and in your caring heart, but that you would continue to listen to the whisper of the Spirit and where He is leading you. I pray you get some time to be quiet and the midst of the world with 3 kiddos not easy!, but still a worthy prayer nonetheless! Goodness, sorry to ramble. So fun to "see" you and your family!
    Much love-
    Marla McCaslin Finnegan (YL-BHS)