Doyle Adoption

Raising our Right Hands

2011-01-09T19:45:00.000-08:00

Okay...so I need to apologize. I have not blogged in months...months. Not because I haven't wanted to and not because I don't enjoy putting all my crazy thoughts down on paper. Honestly, I just took a break...not intentional at first...but after a few months I just let time go by. So, first off I looked back at the last time I blogged and I need to thank those of you who prayed for my sweet Noah when he was so sick. So much has changed and happened in our family's life that I am just thankful and don't really know where to start.

Judah started pre-kindergarten. He is playing on his first official basketball team. His first tooth is about to fall out. And his adoption in the US became official!!!! That boy just melts my heart.

Emma Lynn is halfway through her kindergarten year. I want to freeze these days because they are going by to quickly. Her teacher is absolutely one of my favorite people in the world and I have just enjoyed being in her classroom as sweet Emma Lynn smiles from ear to ear as she learns with those dimples getting bigger and bigger each day.

Bella is getting older. She isn't as into princesses anymore which makes my heart mourn a little. She loves to sing and dance. And out of the four I think she will be my horseback rider. She loves to just brush Charlotte, the pony. And Bella's joy for life still abounds.

And Noah...my big second grader!!! His feet are almost as big as mine. He played football and basketball....loves to read and play his games...and Ryan is teaching him to play the guitar. Sometimes I just look at him and can not believe how old he is.

During these past few months...the highlight for our Judah would be going to court in the US. It is a day I don't think I will never forget for the rest of my life. And one of my favorite parts was when the judge asked Ryan and I to raise our right hand to swear that we would care for and protect Judah all of his days...the other three kids also raised their right hands to swear as well. And I think it just hit me....they have been a part of Judah's story the whole time and they also want to care and protect him. Recently, a dear friend and gifted pastor needed some information about adoption for a sermon so he messaged me and asked me a few questions. Here is a little bit of my response to him.

Here are some words...nothing profound but hope it helps.
Adoption...it is honestly hard for me to even put words to the word..somehow they just don't do justice. It hits me out of the blue just the sheer realization that this child that I love and care for so much that is laughing out loud at Tom and Jerry (his favorite) while eating a yogurt would most likely be starving to death or probably a child soldier in a few years if he were still in Africa...if the Lord hadn't picked him to be in our family. And yet he did pick him and there are so many others who will die...but he picked him. And because he is our son our lives will never be the same. Tragedy he lived through...is our tragedy. His joys are our joys. His milestones are our milestones. He truly is part of our family. And Judah changed the fabric of our family for the better. Adoption is now part of the other three...they get it...they hope to adopt one day...even at their young ages they get it.

During the adoption process I secretly wondered if I would love him the same. And the beauty is that I absolutely love him the same...God has made each one of our children so different in their own precious way and Judah is no exception. I love his laugh...his ability to make a friend everywhere he goes...his pure joy that makes me want to be a better mom. And I do wonder what did his birth mother look like...was she sick...dying...did she just hope someone would find him that could take better care of him? These are questions I am sure he will ask one day...and I pray that when that time comes he will have a peace and understanding that God chose him...him...to have a family that can support, love, and adore him. He had nothing from three weeks on...nothing...just someone who found him abandoned took him to the hospital but still didn't want him. It is such a picture of how he chooses us...long before we can even come to an understanding...and it makes the reality that I had nothing...nothing to do with HIm picking me to draw me to himself..it makes it so real...so matter of fact...so out of my hands yet my response has to be (not that it always is) complete and utter thankfulness.

I hope to blog more often this semester....but I have learned not to promise anything. :) Here are a few pictures from this past semester. For those of you who are in the process of adopting...know that it is hard...harder than you think...but worth it. From the mouth of my friend Jay the gifted pastor...Judah is worth it.

Abide

2010-08-13T18:55:00.000-07:00

Abide

I think as the new school year begins this is the word that is on my heart.

–verb (used without object)

to remain; continue; stay: Abide with me.

to have one's abode; dwell; reside: to abide in a smallScottish village.

to continue in a particular condition, attitude, relationship,etc.; last.

My favorite of these definitions is the first...to remain..to continue...to stay...abide with me. My precious four little ones are going off to school. Noah 2nd grade...Bella 1st grade...Emma Lynn kindergarten...and Judah will go three days a week to pre-k!!!! This is kind of hard on a momma who has had a child next to her leg for eight years...eight years. For the past two years some went to school but I rotated the days of the youngest so they each had one-on-one time with me. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited to have three whole days all to myself...wow...but the reality is starting to sink in. Eight years has gone by too fast.

And then I hear the words...Abide with me.

I am reminding myself that maybe the Lord has carved out these days for me to remain near him...to stay close...maybe it is a gift of time to reside and return to my first love....my Maker.

(I typed those words last Wednesday night. I would need them by Thursday.)

On Thursday, Noah woke up and his eye was swollen. I thought probably allergies but decided to take him into the doctor just in case. I am so thankful I did. The doctor explained that he actually had an infection in his eye and that we really had to watch it. When infections are in the eye they can spread behind the eye and then to the brain quickly. I watched him like a mother hen all day. By the time evening rolled around, his eye was completely swollen shut...it looked like someone had punched him hard. I sent a picture to my dear dear cousin who is a pediatrician and his response was to take him to the ER...IMMEDIATELY. Ryan and I sat most of the night with him while he received an antibiotic IV. There aren't words to describe sitting by your son in the hospital...holding his hand...stroking his face...telling him everything will be okay...while at the same time you are crying out to God for everything to be okay. As we sat...my big football playing eight year old son just wept. He wept because he was scared...he wept from the pain...he wept because he is old enough to understand. He is the one out of my four who doesn't really like for mom to rock him...or hold him...or kiss his face all over anymore. Yet, Thursday night he was just clinging to me while I just kept embracing him...fear was written all over his face.

Abide...Lindsey...abide...abide with me.

The IV stopped the infection before it reached his brain...no loss of sight...no meningitis. By Saturday night his eye looked almost normal. On Sunday morning his eye looked completely normal. Thank you, thank you, thank you Lord. Sunday night he told me his leg hurt a little and he showed me the spot that hurt. It was just a normal looking bug bite so I put some cream on it and didn't think another thing about it. The next morning his bite was swollen to the size of the palm of my hand...back to the doctor. By evening it was twice as big with streaks running up his leg. Today, Tuesday, we left the doctor yet again. It seems his leg and his eye have no connection. It appears and we are still walking through this...that he has gotten bit by a brown recluse spider. The streaks appear to be the venom and not another infection.

Abide...Lindsey...abide...abide with me.

Please pray for Noah. Pray that whether this is a bite or an infection that it would be made crystal clear to the doctors. And pray that the medication will work quickly.

O Lord, help me to dwell with you...help me to remain and stay with you...regardless of the circumstances. Help me to abide.

HAPPY FIFTH BIRTHDAY JUDAH!!!!

2010-07-26T15:05:00.001-07:00

Father's Day

2010-06-19T21:42:00.000-07:00

Summer is officially here and we are loving it! Loving having Ryan home...loving no schedule...loving swimming...just loving it! Can I just tell you that Judah has no fear when it comes to being in the water! He does the water slide. Jumps off the diving board. He is our little water bug. And he does EVERYTHING with that famous grin of his or laughing the best laugh I truly have ever heard. He has added so much to our lives that I get tears in my eyes just thinking of what it would be like if we hadn't followed the Lord's prompting. And he gets to celebrate Father's Day because HE HAS A FATHER!!!!!

Last week Ryan and I attended a dinner in honor of Katie Davis and her ministry Amazima. I have blogged about her before. The twenty-two year old who is living in Uganda as a missionary and HAS ADOPTED FOURTEEN CHILDREN by herself. The Lord is using her to be His hands and His feet to so many who do not have a father to celebrate. Amazima Ministries operates a sponsorship program for over 400 orphaned children. These children are provided an education, medical care, and three meals a day. Once a week they are also provided Bible and health training. This program also goes into the Masese commmunity...Uganda's poorest and most displaced people...the slums...the worst areas...to love, feed, and take care of many. Katie also teaches women without any means of income how to make paper necklaces that are sold here in the United States. Amazima is a ministry that is touching lives for Jesus.

I must admit that I needed to attend that dinner. I have been to Katie's home in Uganda. I have fed those children who are so hungry waiting in line. I have looked into their eyes and seen the desperation. I have helped fill bags of flour and rice to give each child to take to their families so that they might have dinner. But, I needed to attend that dinner. I needed to attend that dinner because I so easily forget. I need to be reminded DAILY of how much that I have. I need to be reminded DAILY how I to am supposed to care for the least of these. I need to be reminded DAILY how many children there are in this world without mommy's or daddy's. I need to be reminded DAILY that my child...my son...was abandoned. I need to be reminded DAILY that I am called to pray and to care for the husbandless and the fatherless.

Judah has enriched all of our lives. Adoption has enriched my life. And God used Katie Davis and Amazima ministries to lead me to Uganda where we would find our Judah. But, now I have seen Uganda....I have witnessed the people....the children...the hurting...the diseased...the orphans and I needed a reminder. Loving His people does not stop just because Judah is home. There are millions of orphans who need food...clothes...education...and a daddy to celebrate on Father's Day. And today I honor my wonderful husband for being such an amazing daddy. And today I stand in awe of my Heavenly Father, and of his Son, our Savior.

Our Home

2010-05-16T19:43:00.000-07:00

Spring is by far my favorite season. It is just so evident how He makes all things new...how He is making me new. I have not gotten the chance to blog in a long time. Partly because my life has been full. Partly because in the newness that He is creating...I just needed to "be".

A lot has changed since the last blog. First of all...the kids and I have moved back to Nashville!!!!! And the last reason I have not blogged is that I did not want the world to know that my husband was not with us...but he GRADUATES FROM SEMINARY ON FRIDAY!!!! He is coming here tomorrow and then as a family we will go back to St. Louis for the big day. I am so proud of that man. He has juggled so much while being a full time seminary student, working at our church, and loving our family well. The time at Covenant flew by but was filled with many friends, memories, and teaching that I don't think will ever leave us....seminary just seems to be that way.

In the meantime...I have been busy trying to make our new house into a home. We had to sell a house...find a house...buy a house...and move all during a short period of time. Picture this...on a Wednesday, my two friends drove by a house that was going to be put up for auction on that Saturday. They called me and said that they had found our new home. Our old home in Nashville was just that, a home...full of neighbors...full of kids...full of laughter and love...and we hoped we would never move. But, after the adoption it became clear we had outgrown it. So the Lord had/has something else in store. We went to the auction and what we experienced was only the Lord....no other answer. This house is minutes from the church with lots of land...our farm house. Given...at the auction I was a little in shock at the amount of work that was going to be needed and a little in shock at the sheer beauty of the property. And before the auction began we looked out in the crowd and thought there was no way....no way we would end up with the home. The auctioneer began...my husband bid...another bidder bid...my husband bid again....going once...going twice...NO ONE ELSE BID...sold...at a third of appraisal! The realtor and I were left standing and tears were rolling down both our faces.

I need to back up...my husband had been praying for months and months and months that the home that the Lord had for us would have land so that we could have tons and tons of people over all the time for ministry....that our home would be a haven for youth....for families....for strangers. That swarms of people would feel welcome all the time to come over and just "be". That is his heart...that is my heart. Hospitality is our joy and honor.

So...as soon as the kids and I moved in...I began the work. (well myself and LOTS of help) Not a toilet worked...yet they were full...yuck. Not an appliance worked...but my uncle happened to have an extra set of appliances in my grandmother's garage...I am not kidding. Most of the walls were painted black...not really my style. Everyday I had to laugh as to what would happen next...one day it was the railing totally falling over...then another no air....and yet I have LOVED it! We look out onto seven acres....with a horse barn....and a wrap around porch. It is beautiful and we know it is a gift. But, now it is only a house.

On Saturday May 5, 2010 devastation hit Nashville. The flood that hit our community was and still is a MONUMENTAL LOSS. Many...more than many...have lost everything....everything. It is hard to even comprehend the loss that some are facing. When you go into these areas to help it is mind boggling. The debris, the smell, the sheer number is hard to even wrap your head around what is before you. And for so many it was not the stuff that mattered it was what made their house a home that mattered. The things that you can not put a price tag on hurt so much to lose...family pictures, children's drawings, sentimental trinkets. Those were all lost...some even lost their lives. It looked like something out of a movie....but these were and are real people dealing with pain and hurt.

The flood has brought the community together in an incredible way. People volunteering round the clock....tearing out dry wall, making trips to the dump, cooking meals, doing laundry, donating to relief funds, hugging someone who just needs to cry. This is community. It has made me proud of Nashvillians and thankful for many who have come to help from around the country. I heard something at church today that has stuck in my mind. "For those who have witnessed the homes that lost everything....you can testify that only the foundation remained...and yet it brings us back to the question. Where does our foundation remain?" Where does my foundation remain? My foundation remains with my Savior Jesus Christ. That is really all that matters.

For months I prayed for the new family that would live in our old home that I loved so much. The home where I rocked my babies...the home where I was restored. The woman buying my home was a missionary with her husband. They were missionaries in Africa. Africa of all places...my child...my heart. He was killed in Africa. I have never met her nor do I know her. But, my prayer for that home was...Lord Jesus bring the family you have chosen for a time of restoration. I will continue to pray for her until she is truly home in heaven with her Maker and her husband.

What makes a house a home is the messiness of living. The playing, the laughing, the crying, and the praying. Our new house did not flood. And right now it is still a house. But, last week there were fourteen kids running around...riding Barbie jeeps...eating goldfish...building Lego castles. And this week four high school sophomore boys came by just to check in and play with my little ones. Well...maybe my husband is coming back tomorrow to not a house but a home.

Please continue to join me in prayer for the thousands who lost their homes because of the flood.

Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently on the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

Sweet Dreams

2010-02-01T16:43:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks have been so busy....good busy, but busy! First of all, Judah is doing amazing...I am blown away at the Lord's faithfulness. That little boy brings a joy to my heart in his special little way... especially if you ask him how much we love him...he opens his arms wide and that famous smile comes across his face. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE HIM!!! The girls turned five and six last week...and we celebrated with a pink princess ball! So it is official...we have a seven, six, five, and four year old....but I would not have it any other way! I think with the celebration of their birthdays, I have just been trying to take them all in. I do not want to miss the sweetness of these days that are passing much too quickly.

I found a cd from years ago...a song that was out when I was pregnant with Noah. This song I kept in my car and sang it to him over and over when he was just a tiny little thing. Wow...how a song can bring back so many memories and emotions.

When Noah was a few weeks old we found out that he had some severe heart problems. At three little weeks he was diagnosed with Wolf Parkinson's White Syndrome (highly elevated heartbeat). He stayed in ICU for a week until his little heart was regulated. Then they moved him to a room...weeks later we could bring our son home again but with some stipulations. We had to carry a stethoscope with us at all times and wear a stop watch. This stop watch would go off every few hours to remind us to give him his medicine...even in the middle of the night. We continued this routine for the first year of his precious life. After he turned one, he had a surgery to try and "shock" his heart...the surgery went wonderfully and we could stop the medicine completely. Years later you would not even know that God gave him a special heart. There are times when he will have an episode...we keep an oximeter (a machine that tells us his heart rate and oxygen levels) with us...and it is usually not a big deal. Most of the time it does not even cross my mind. That first year I prayed and prayed for his little heart...today I rarely do...just when he is playing really hard or on days that he throws up. That is the way his body responds and the quickest way I can tell something might not be right. Well...last Thursday he threw up. Those old fears crept in...the praying for his heart began. And that was the day when I found the CD that I had sang to him so many times years before. We listened to it together. It is funny because back then I had no idea how many times I would actually read Goodnight Moon...not only to Noah...but to three more. Back then I had no idea how many times he would actually pretend to be Peter Pan or Superman. And back then I had no idea how many matchbox cars would be lined up...ramped...or found all over my house. But God knew all of these things. That first year of Noah's life was unbelievably wonderful. And there were days I was terrified his heart was going to go into overdrive. But after awhile...I just had to trust that my Maker had him. I look back over his seven and a half years and I am so grateful that I did not spend every day worrying when the next episode was going to happen.

I think that is what the Lord is trying to teach me. Judah spent so many years without us...but not without Him. It has not even been two months and Judah truly feels like a part of our family. If you are considering adopting...or if you are on the fence wondering about the what ifs...listen to the Lord's prompting. There is no way of knowing what lies ahead and there is no way of knowing what happened in the past...but there are so many children who need someone to take a chance on them. Try as I might, I could not have changed God's plans for Noah's heart. And I cannot erase all that has happened in Judah's life. But, God has created us for each other ...and our little man is in God's hands...along with his brother and sisters.

Sweet dreams to my seven, six, five, and four year olds!

"Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)"

Dragon tales and the "water is wide"
Pirate's sail and lost boys fly
Fish bite moonbeams every night
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

The rocket racer's all tuckered out
Superman's in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon, will find the mouse
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

God bless mommy and match box cars
God bless dad and thanks for the stars
God hears "Amen," wherever we are
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Godspeed
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

Our Real Son

2010-01-11T18:16:00.000-08:00

One of our favorite stories to read as a family over the years has been the Velveteen Rabbit. We bought Judah a large picture frame that has a quote written upon it from the story.

You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
The Velveteen Rabbit.

It has been a month since we anxiously awaited the arrival of our son Judah. We waited in complete anticipation as he stepped off the plane...stepped into our arms...stepped into our lives. Adoption has changed my life. Spending time in Africa has changed my life...the need is too great for my heart sometimes. I am thankful for the calling that our Savior put on our hearts...this calling to adopt Judah.

The adjustment is just that...an adjustment. I am amazed at how the Lord orchestrated Judah's little personality to fit just perfectly in our family. He is funny...really funny...that we all just delight in him at times and literally laugh out loud. And because he is so close in age with his siblings they play really well as if he has been here for years. The bonding is happening so much faster than I expected...in which I am very thankful. He literally is sad when his siblings are at school because he wants to be playing in his Buzz Lightyear costume with them. And he is a cuddler!!!! He is perfectly happy sitting in my lap for hours...love it!!! Many of you have prayed for our family since the day we felt that calling...thank you...and I would not be real if I said things were easy all the time. I ask you to continue to pray because adoption is not a fairytale. Especially when you adopt an older child...there are years that have passed without you...years that have passed without any one person for them to call mommy or daddy. So we will continue to walk through trials and adjustments knowing full well the One who is holding us up and knowing full well that He is teaching and loving us as we teach and love our precious son.

The other night Ryan and I were watching tv and all four children were asleep. We heard a loud thud...we waited and waited...but no noise. It sounded as if someone fell out of their bed....but we heard no crying...no pitter patter of little feet. I went upstairs to check things out. Judah had fallen out of bed...no tears and no cries for help. As I held him...I stroked his hair...kissed his face all over and just rocked him for a long time while I prayed over him. If it had been any of my other three children...they would have yelled for us to come....they would have cried immediately...or they would have come and gotten us to make it all better. Judah does not fully understand yet how we love him...he has never experienced it before...and it will take time. I have thought about that night several times since it has happened and realized that at times I am just like Judah. When things get hard or scary it is so easy to rely on my own strength. But don't we want arms to wrap around us...don't we want to know that we are not alone? I can not even fathom...can not even wrap my mind around how much my Savior loves me...
how much He wants me to fall into His arms.

EVERY TIME we pull into the driveway Judah yells, "LOOK...JUDAH'S HOUSE...JUDAH'S HOUSE!!!!" He always has the biggest smile and he does a little dance of excitement...it is adorable. He does have a house...he does have a family. He is our real son.

Christmas 2009-Judah's First Christmas Home

2010-01-03T20:03:00.001-08:00

Welcome Judah-Caylee Dodson Photography

2009-12-30T14:31:00.000-08:00

A gifted photographer and friend from Covenant Seminary blessed our family by capturing Judah's arrival from Uganda. THANK YOU CAYLEE DODSON!!!

Welcome Home Judah

2009-12-10T11:43:00.001-08:00

Psalm 91:14-16
"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

HE IS ON THE PLANE

2009-12-08T17:21:00.001-08:00

JUDAH IS ON THE PLANE RIGHT NOW HEADED TOWARD HOME!!!! I can not even explain how wonderful it is to type those words! A precious, precious, friend that works at the baby's home took pictures and sent them to our family today. These pictures show him saying goodbye to his friends and those who have cared for him. These are treasures that he can look at for years to come. HIS PLANE LANDS IN ST. LOUIS TOMORROW EVENING AT 5:00 pm! Tonight Noah, Bella, and Emma Lynn made their own welcome home signs. And tomorrow we will hold those signs up and welcome our son home.

Thank you for praying him home with us. We are so blessed to have such a team of supporters and intercessors behind us.

There are no more words, just smiles and tears of joy. Thank you...

Mountains and Valleys

2009-12-07T15:22:00.001-08:00

I got a text early this morning from the foster coordinator. She said the visa interview went great...and Judah was really well behaved! :) The visa should be ready tomorrow (pray) at 2:00pm....Ugandan time!!!! So...once the visa is in hand, the foster coordinator (thank you Amy) and Judah will board the plane tomorrow night!!!! If all goes well...HE WILL LAND IN ST. LOUIS AT 5:00PM ON WEDNESDAY!!!! I have been a little shaky...so full of joy...so praising my heavenly Father all day long. Honestly...I have been a little hesitant to allow myself to really believe it was time. But, it is time....His perfect time.
I have to laugh at my plans. Because my plans are just that, my plans. Today I thought I was going to just prepare for Judah all day long....stuff around the house, last minute groceries, etc. I got a call from the school around lunch time. Noah had been playing soccer on the cement outside at school. He tripped and landed face first...several boys landed on top of him. Bloody and swollen nose, bloody and swollen lip...not so calm mama. After spending the afternoon in the pediatrician's office...the doctor thinks he probably has a mild concussion....and he took pictures of his nose to compare once the swelling goes down to see if it is broken. Never a dull moment!
And as I sat there in the waiting room....I thought of all the things I had wanted to be doing. Making sure all of Judah's clothes were in order in his drawers. Pulling toys out just for him that I thought he would like. Putting clean sheets on his bed. Getting his new car seat in the car. But, as I sat there with my seven year old "big boy" in my arms...stroking his hair...calming him down...holding him, it hit me that this is what it is all about...and I would not want to be anywhere else. Judah will not care if everything is not in perfect order. But, our entire family will be there with him when he falls....our entire family will be there with him when he fails....our entire family will be there with him when he wins.....and our entire family will be there with him when he rejoices. Good and bad...mountains and valleys...we will all be there with him.
So it is just literally 48 hours away. And right now we are on that mountain...waiting with open arms!!!!!

Psalm 95:1-7
Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.
For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods.
In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him.
The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land.
Come, let us bow down in worship. let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;
for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care.

Our Baby

2009-12-01T06:26:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We had such a sweet time with family and friends in Nashville. And I have to brag on my dear husband. He preached at our home church and I know I am biased but, I thought he did a wonderful job bringing glory to our Saviour. Judah could not be home in time for Thanksgiving....BUT HE WILL BE HOME SOON!!!! Next Monday he will have his visa interview. And if all goes well with obtaining his visa (keep praying).....HE WILL BE FLYING HOME ON DECEMBER 9TH TO ST. LOUIS!!!!! The foster coordinator needed to come to the states so she will be bringing him with her! This is such a huge blessing that I do not need to go back to Africa. I think I will shout it again....HE MIGHT BE FLYING HOME ON DECEMBER 9TH IF ALL GOES WELL!!!

A sweet friend had reminded me about the movie, Annie, and that it might help our children understand a little bit more about adoption. So, Ryan and I made popcorn and all gathered on the couch and showed the other three little ones a filtered version of the movie Annie. At the beginning of the movie, Annie is looking out the window full of longing, singing a song about her own parents...wondering about them...trying to figure out why they left her. Little does she know that her parents were killed. These are the words of the song, Maybe:

Maybe far away
Or maybe real nearby
He may be pouring her coffee
She may be straightening his tie.
Maybe in a house
All hidden by a hill
She's sitting playing piano,
He's sitting paying a bill!

Betcha they're young
Betcha they're smart
Bet they collect things
Like ashtrays, and art!
Betcha they're good --
(Why shouldn't they be?)
Their one mistake
Was giving up me!

So maybe now it's time,
And maybe when I wake
They'll be there calling me "Baby"...
Maybe.

Betcha he reads
Betcha she sews
Maybe she's made me
A closet of clothes!
Maybe they're strict
As straight as a line...
Don't really care
As long as they're mine!

So maybe now this prayer's
The last one of it's kind...
Won't you please come get your "Baby"
Maybe

Tears were literally streaming down my face as I listened to this song....to think that so many children out there are just longing, literally longing for someone to love them. I had this record as a little girl and would sing this song over and over. But, until recently I never really took the time to understand the meaning behind the words. I will admit this has been a hard journey toward Judah. And once he gets here there will be lots of adjustment for our entire family. But, I am so utterly thankful.........thankful that he is our son. Thankful to our Maker that He opened our eyes to this deep need around the world. Thankful to our Maker that He directed our path toward our Judah. Judah may one day wonder what happened to his parents, he may ask questions to which we will always be honest. But, he will never, ever, have to long for someone to take care of him or for someone to love him. For he is our "baby".

Cling To The Hope

2009-11-18T10:34:00.000-08:00

This past week in St. Louis I have been blessed to hear two incredible speakers. On Saturday, at the Kirk of the Hills women's conference, Nancy Guthrie spoke. And last night I got to hear Tim Keller speak on idols...amazing. But, he is speaking in Nashville tonight so I won't spoil it for anyone...maybe the next blog will be about his teaching! Nancy Guthrie has lived through more suffering than many of us will ever have to endure in a lifetime. Two out of her three children are now in heaven due to a rare genetic disease. If you have not read her book, Holding Onto Hope...I strongly recommend it. She truly is a woman I admire...she is not afraid to be real...she ministers to the hurting by sharing her own story....and she is in love with her Savior. I am not even going to try and teach what she taught. Today there are no original ideas from me. I am just going to tell her words...from my notes of scribbling as fast as I could....that spoke so dear to my heart.
How would I respond to Job's situation? How would I respond if everything was taken from me? What do I really think deep down....do I think that God will spare me from significant suffering if I do the right things? Goodness and godliness are no guarantee that I will not have to suffer. In fact I should expect suffering. Job rejected the assumption that he shouldn't have to suffer. And Job refused to blame God and become bitter. Job openly mourned (tore robe, shaved head) he was not ashamed to reveal his hurt...he agonized over the loss. AND THEN JOB FELL TO THE GROUND IN WORSHIP REGARDLESS OF HIS FEELINGS. NOTHING happens to us that has not been ordained by Him. (This was the first page of my notes....and I had twelve...so good.)

Because I attended this conference...because I spent several weeks in Uganda looking into the eyes of many orphans...suffering has been on my heart lately. Someone very dear to me is waiting on test results. Someone very dear to me just unexpectantly lost a loved one. Maybe you are going through a trial. Maybe you are going through a deep valley. Cling to the hope that Job held onto. Job 19:25
I know that my Redeemer lives.

HOW HE IS DOING

2009-11-11T19:54:00.000-08:00

My dear friend, Dee Ann, visited Uganda this past summer. During her stay she made me a cd of pictures and a video. When she sent me these treasures I was counting the days until I could hold Judah myself. So she truly blessed me. Dee Ann is visiting Uganda right now for the second time. This morning she sent me a message and blessed me again. I copied her message onto the blog because it touched my heart so much!!!

Lindsey, We stopped by Amani on Monday Morning, and Sweet Precious little Judah ran up to me, I picked him up and he hugged and hugged on me, with a grin from ear to ear. This is an AMAZING transition that I saw in him from August! He is so excited about his new mommy, Daddy, and family! Little Judah has been TRANSFORMED, and It brought tears to my eyes to have him hold on to me and hug me so passionately. I will post a photo as soon as I can. We should arrive back in States Thursday..bet you will be arriving here about the same time!

What sweet words to a momma's heart who is missing her son. I have continually wondered how he is doing. At times, I have even felt guilty for leaving. Yet, I know full well that the Lord wants me here taking care of my other three until it is time. But still....I have wondered....did he cry when he realized I was leaving on an airplane....did he continually wait for me to come back...lots of wondering....lots of praying. Yet, these words from Dee Ann have been such a comfort. To know full well that he is doing great....in fact better!!! When she first met him for the first time he ws painfully shy. But today she describes Judah as being transformed. Oh Lord...thank you for using the time that I was in Uganda to help him adjust to a new life and a new family. Thank you Lord for giving him a confidence that he did not have. Thank you Lord for your redeeming grace.

HE IS OURS

2009-11-06T06:24:00.001-08:00

WE GOT A TEXT EARLY THIS MORNING FROM UGANDA. IT IS OFFICIAL.....HE IS OUR LITTLE GUY FOREVER!!!!! THE JUDGE SAID..YES!!!!! NOW WE ARE PRAYING FOR HER CONFIRMATION TO BE PUT IN WRITING. A WRITTEN RULING AND A LETTER ARE THE NEXT STEPS BEFORE THE PASSPORT AND VISA!!!! We are selfishly praying he can be home for Thanksgiving. Ryan preaches for the first time to the congregation at Christ Presbyterian Church on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. That Sunday is "Adoption Sunday" and children who have been adopted this past year are being baptized....how precious...how meaningful!!! So...our prayer is to have him by Thanksgiving...but we are just turning around and following before our Maker's feet in thanksgiving that Judah is our son forever.
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for your continued support and prayer....I have felt so loved through this entire journey.

Little Ones

2009-11-04T10:50:00.001-08:00

Well, I have been home now since late last Wednesday...one week has passed. I must confess that the Lord is still teaching me and I am still processing my time in Africa. It was wonderful and beautiful....heart wrenching and ugly all at the same time....I think I will write more later on this topic. My love for that little boy continues to grow with every second that passes. I miss him. I miss him holding my hand. I miss his inquisitive eyes. I even miss the way he sucks on his fingers for comfort...even though we are trying to break that pattern....I miss it. I miss it because these little things help to make up his personality. AND I AM SO THANKFUL TO HAVE EXPERIENCED HIM. And I truly ache for the day he will be with his family....our family. Tomorrow is another big day. The judge will give the verbal ruling. After this ruling there are still several more steps that follow...a written ruling, a letter, passport, visa....etc. So, we are making progress. Selfishly, I would like to pray to have him home for Thanksgiving...but I will continue to trust the Lord's timing. Here is a little clip from Africa. We are at the hotel with a friend of Judah's, Asher Keck...Dana's little one. Asher is now home with his forever family in Nashville and doing great. They are too cute!!!! But, what hits home in my heart even more than their cuteness...is the fact that they will always be friends. They will go to school and church with each other. They will live a few minutes from one another. These two boys...and several more little ones (seven)...will all remain very close friends. Thank you Lord for how you are still teaching me and I am still processing because of nine little ones from Jinja, Uganda...nine little ones that are from the same orphanage....nine little ones that you have and will continue to knit their hearts together....thank you Lord for I have so much to learn from these little ones.

TOMORROW

2009-10-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

Early this evening I got the call that.....WE HAVE ANOTHER COURT DATE TOMORROW!!!!! Please be praying that the judge shows. And pray that we will be given a favorable ruling. It is at 10:00am Ugandan time and 2:00am central time. This will be our third time to try for court and my prayer is still the same....Lord, your will be done. I just need to thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart for the encouraging words. There were times when I was low or lonely and your words helped to lift my spirit. So...tomorrow is the day....let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Worth It

2009-10-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

Well, it is Thursday evening and still no new court date. And so I wait. This means that it is not happening tomorrow. I am hoping the lawyer can schedule for Monday or sometime next week...if not, I am praying what to do next. With Ryan in seminary, working, and taking care of three little ones...I am not sure how long I can be gone. And so I wait.
Today, the waiting was made easier by an unexpected surprise. My new friend, Michelle, was hosting a team from New York with the Ugandan Water Project. They led the little ones at the baby cottage in worship...and it was a precious sight! Just seeing them clapping and dancing...adorable! And holding Judah while he sang praises was memorable. After the little ones went to lunch and nap, the team headed to CRO, to minister to the street kids of Jinga. Once again, I was touched just by seeing a hundred kids just glowing to sing praises to Jesus. And these were street kids...tattered clothes...no shoes...yet they had hope and smiles as they clapped and sang along. I am trying to tell myself that the waiting is not hard...compared to what these street kids walk through on a daily basis. I am trying to tell myself that the waiting is not hard...compared to the little one that has serious special needs and runs around the orphanage yelling. I am trying to tell myself that the waiting, the being alone, the missing my family it is all worth it. When I look into Judah's eyes or I hold him close....I KNOW that it is worth it. Judah is worth it. And this is what the Lord has asked of me, so it is worth it. And again, the whisper....He died for me...because I was worth it to Him.

Refuge

2009-10-20T22:09:00.000-07:00

After the second try, the judge still did not show for our court date. I am hoping to hear from the lawyer today about when the new court date will be scheduled. As soon as I know something, I will try and post....maybe tomorrow, maybe Friday, maybe next week....I do not know. But He does.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom."
Isaiah 40:28

Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul

1. Dear refuge of my weary soul,
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies
To Thee I tell each rising grief,
For Thou alone canst heal
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
For every pain I feel

2. But oh! When gloomy doubts prevail,
I fear to call Thee mine
The springs of comfort seem to fail,
And all my hopes decline
Yet gracious God, where shall I flee?
Thou art my only trust
And still my soul would cleave to Thee
Though prostrate in the dust

3. Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face,
And shall I seek in vain?
And can the ear of sovereign grace,
Be deaf when I complain?
No still the ear of sovereign grace,
Attends the mourner's prayer
Oh may I ever find access,
To breathe my sorrows there

4. Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet,
Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet

©1998, Kevin Twit Music.
Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Memories

2009-10-17T05:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a day of memories. We started out by taking Judah on a boat ride down the Nile. It was a sweet time for him because he had never ridden on one before. He would yell, duck, duck!!! Literally so cute. And pretty impressive because it was the NILE RIVER...how many times do you get to do that? My heart strings were pulled once again though for the hurting people all around. After the boat ride, we headed to Katie's house (Amazima Ministries) for praise and worship. Tears were rolling down my face to see these three hundred children just singing praises and worshiping...how beautiful! And then to serve them a hot meal with a bag of food to take home for their family....I did not feel worthy. Truly this is what we must be created to do....to serve...to love...to teach about Him.
Today Dana, Asher, and Ryan headed back home. I am so happy for Dana and Asher! And I know my children at home will be so happy to be with Daddy. Noah and Bella both have the flu with very high fevers and I can not be with them. Pray for them and that my mother-in-law stays healthy! So I am here by myself...but I get to spend time with Judah. And I love just being near him. Our court date is Tuesday at 10:00am here in Uganda and 2:00am central time. Thank you for all the comments...it is such an encouragement when I am so far away.

Satisfied With Christ Alone

2009-10-15T12:18:00.000-07:00

We arrived today for court and sadly enough...the judge did not show up today. They have rescheduled the date for this coming Tuesday. I am not going to pretend that I wasn't disappointed but He really did give me a deep peace. This does mean more time to spend with Judah. All day today, Ryan and I have been praying on whether or not he should continue to fly home on Sunday. If the judge does not show again on Tuesday...I will be here by myself longer. And we continue to pray. As I get to know Judah, I have fallen in love with the way the Lord has created him..very shy, very curious, needing tons of love. We have been praying for the Lord's will so we walk in faith. And I must confess Thursday to Tuesday did not seem like a very long time a few hours ago, but after talking with Ryan's precious, precious, mom it became evident that Ryan needs to go home and love on our other three little ones. They need him more then I do. And this is when the flood of tears came. They are having a very hard time. And I am struggling deeply knowing that they are hurting, It seems crazy in my mind but not in my heart...I have only been gone since Saturday...but they are my children...and I deeply hurt when they hurt. And yet I am gently reminded that they are His children. I am His child. And yet he loved me so much that He sent His son die for me.

So...again I ask for prayer.... continued prayer for Tuesday's court date. Continued prayer for my time with Judah. And continued prayer for Noah, Bella, and Emma Lynn.
When I got back today, I read Scotty Smith's quote on facebook by John Calvin.

"Whoever is not satisfied with Christ alone, strives after something beyond absolute perfection." John Calvin

Gotcha Day and First Full Day

2009-10-13T03:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our first day here....and surprise...Dana and Asher met us at the airport! It was so good to hug her neck and greet Asher for the first time. They needed to stay in Kampala to work on paperwork so we headed to Jinja. Our hotel is directly across the street from the orphanage but by the time we got there it was naptime for the little ones. So, we showered (much needed) and ate lunch. And then it was time to meet our precious son!!! He had just finished a nap and when he saw us he came running. He stayed in our arms literally the rest of the day. He knows who we are....he knows we are his mommy and daddy. We walked back to the hotel for ice cream and orange Fanta ......his favorite! Just spending time with him is surreal. He is ADORABLE!!!! When we are with people he is very shy, keeping his fingers in his mouth and not talking much. But after he warmed up to us...we could not get him to stop talking and laughing!!!! We then all three went on a walk and held him. He LOVES to ride on Ryan's shoulders! And he carried his "book" with our pictures the entire time! The whole day with him truly was special....a day I will NEVER forget.

This morning we went and got Judah early so that he could have breakfast with us. Again...he ate every single bite....eggs, toast, bacon, juice and some orange Fanta...of course! I asked him who we were and he said....mommy and daddy. We gave him a small backpack with his name on it with toys inside. It was so cute....all he wanted to do was open the zipper and then close the zipper again and again. We then gave him a bath. Let me tell you....HE LOVES THE BATH!!! You would have thought we took him to Disneyland! He squealed, splashed, and played. Then we headed back to Amani for his preschool time. During preschool his friends were doing puzzle time. Let me tell you those little ones sat completing puzzles and then would switch with a friend....completely content and happy....it was an impressive sight!!!! The class younger than Judah was having music time....so cute....drums, shakers, recorders. Then I left so he could have lunch and nap. After lunch, Ryan and I took him into town for more ice cream and to walk around Jinja. Then he asked if he could have another bath...of course. So we headed back for another bath. Then it was time to say goodbye for the night. We met Dana and Asher for dinner and called it a day,

We have had two great days with our son. I am VERY thankful. I am not naive to think that there will not be hard times with adjustment or with the completion of this process.BUT I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE LAST TWO DAYS....days to love on him, days to be with him, days to experience what he experiences. Thursday is our court date. I ask for everyone to be praying....pray specifically for positive and quick rulings. Thank you for all the encouraging words.....they mean more than I can express!!!

Dear Son

2009-10-09T18:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Judah Mirembe Doyle,
You are our son....you are our son. I am writing this to you the night before your father and I are getting on a plane to travel to Uganda. We are going to Africa for you. By the time you read this, you will be much, much older than you are now....but I ached for you to see how much you were wanted....how much you were loved before we even met you. This has not been the easiest process....a process of the heart...but it has been worth every minute, every second. If you ever doubt how much we love you, how much your Heavenly Father loves you...read this. Read this over and over and know that you are loved. Know that God placed a deep burden in our hearts to find you...we did not know where you were...but He did. Once we heard about your orphange...this place of peace...we knew in that moment that was exactly where you were. I wish I could capture the anticipation that I feel...the longing that I feel...for you. You are not only getting a new mommy and daddy but you are also gaining two precious sisters and an amazing brother. They also are so excited to meet you...and to share life with you. Noah is your brother. After only having sisters...he is about to pop to play soccer, throw a football, wrestle, share bunk beds and just have that connection that only brothers enjoy. Bella can not wait to teach you all about life here. She prays for you daily and literally everywhere we go she wants to buy you treats. Emma Lynn is so happy that you are both four years old! In her words, "She will be the baby girl...and Judah will be the baby boy." She drew a picture of our family at school and you are right beside her. I tell you these things so that you can view a glimpse of what life was like as we waited to get you. There was a piece of our hearts missing because you were still in another place. But in two days my son....I will be holding you. I will be holding you and kissing your face all over. Thank you my son...thank you for teaching about God's love. You have opened my eyes in ways that I could not have forseen. You have given me a deep love for your native country and people. My prayer is that we, as a family, will always return to Africa together to serve and love on many others. You have opened my eyes to the million of orphans around the world...you did this before I even met you. And now the time has come...my dear one. Time to scoop you up...time to start the journey home...time for you to feel my arms around you. We love you now and we will love you all the days of your life...for you are our son. Keep this letter tucked in your Bible so you can pull it out whenever you need a reminder of how deep your father and mother love you...you are our son.

Travel Plans

2009-10-07T20:33:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to give an update of our travel plans! First of all, I talked to Dana today and she had gotten good news. The letter that they had been waiting on was completed!!! Now they need to get Asher's passport and visa....the last steps....yea! Danny had arrived and she honestly sounded so full excitement and so full of joy. He will leave on Sunday and hopefully if all works out she will be coming home with us!!!!! Let me explain a little bit.
After watching and learning from my dear friends, Ryan and I have prayed and prayed.....and we have decided to take two trips. We will leave St. Louis on Saturday the 10th and arrive in Entebbe on Monday morning and go straight to Judah's orphanage. Our court date is on Thursday October 15th (pray, pray, pray). And we will arrive back home on Monday October 19th. Ryan could not be away from seminary for more than a week without falling too far behind. And our other little ones are too young for me to be gone for over a month. So, my precious sister has volunteered to go back with me once all of the verbal and written rulings have been given. (maybe early to mid November...maybe later) Then we will get to bring Judah home!!!! We are getting so close...I could just rejoice!!!!
I need to thank all the sweet moms at Kirk Day School who are taking my other children to play dates, ballet, soccer, etc. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! And please be praying for Ryan's AMAZING mom and aunt who are keeping my three little ones while we are gone. This is a HUGE undertaking and I hope they know how truly grateful and thankful that I am for them. My heart is at peace knowing that Noah, Bella, and Emma Lynn are in their care.
Lastly, I just need to tell you that I have been humbled and taken aback by the kindness and love that so many have poured out over us. It may have been an encouraging word, an offer to help, a phone call, letting me cry with you, jumping up and down with me, sending me pictures, writing a note or just knowing that you are praying....it has made such a difference....you have made such a difference in our journey....you have added to our blessing....thank you.
So....only three more days and we will be on that plane!!!! Five more days and Judah will be in our arms!!!! After all of this anticipation of wanting and waiting....the time has come!!!!

I WILL PRAISE THE NAME OF GOD WITH A SONG;
I WILL MAGNIFY HIM WITH THANKSGIVING

A Sweet Mama

2009-10-04T11:39:00.001-07:00

Today after church I had a message on my cell. All I could hear was a little voice on the other end....and it was my precious little guy. HELLO MOMMY.....HELLO MOMMY....I LOOOVE YOU!!!! I will save that priceless message forever!!! I called Dana to thank her and what she told me brought tears to my eyes and chills on my arms. She said she had been at Amani today and the kids had been playing and playing. She was talking to one of the "mamas" and she told her that Judah's mom and dad would be there in one week. She was trying to explain Ryan a little bit to the mama....she said that Ryan was going to be a pastor and that one of his passions was leading worship. Dana tried to explain that he played the guitar and loved to sing songs about Jesus. All of a sudden the "mama" got tears in her eyes. And she said, "I have been praying for YEARS for Judah Marvin to have a family full of musicians. He LOVES to sing, dance, play instruments, and enjoys music. I also have been praying that Judah Marvin would return here to Africa one day and tell people about Jesus."

I can not wait to be in Africa....I can not wait to experience the culture...the people. I can not wait to see my son's culture. I can not wait to hug the necks of the women who have literally prayed for my child for YEARS....YEARS! I can not wait to express some gratitude to the ones who have gone before me at Amani and fed, bathed, taught, and loved my son. I can never repay you enough but thank you dear friends...thank you so much. And I will continue to pray the prayer of that sweet "mama." And hopefully one day Judah will return to Africa....maybe as a missionary....maybe as a pastor...maybe just to love on the people from his native culture....but always to tell people about Jesus. Thank you....thank you....thank you.

Amazing Grace

2009-10-02T19:38:00.000-07:00

Talked to Dana early this morning...Suzanne and Renee had just gotten on their plane headed home. Continue to lift up their travels in prayer. She did however sound at peace because Danny will be arriving in Entebbe on Tuesday!!! It is amazing to look back on her journey and see how the Lord knew she needed Danny at the end of her trip...we never would have seen that, but He did! Danny will be staying until Sunday and hopefully she and Asher can head back with him...but, if not, then we arrive Monday morning and can hug her neck (and Judah's).

The GREAT NEWS IS THAT ALL OF JUDAH'S TESTS CAME BACK CLEAR!!!! He is one healthy little guy...thank you Jesus! Honestly, when you think your child could be extremely sick and there is nothing you can do to help...you realize just how much you have to trust.

There has been something on my heart to share for awhile but lots of updates have been needed so I have not felt it was the time. But tonight...I feel I need to share with you my heart. Our pastor here in St. Louis preached a few weeks ago on self-righteousness...something he shared has not left my heart and mind. He recalled the hymn that we all know and love. Amazing Grace how sweet the sound...that saved a wretch like me. He emphasized the word wretch. The hymn does not say that saved an all "put- together" mom like me. It says that saved a wretch like me....a wretch...wow does that not put it into perspective? Many people through this process have encouraged us and complimented us on our adoption. And I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for you spurring us on....but I need everyone to know that I am a wretch. The Lord loves me where I am...and that is...a sinner...a sinner saved by grace. I am a child of God who sometimes puts her own selfish desires...getting a manicure...going shopping... before our Lord. I am a wife that sometimes chooses to love myself before serving or loving my husband. I am a mom that sometimes loses her patience and can become frustrated instead of showing self control before my children. I do not have it all together...and that is okay. That is why I need a Savior...I will never have it (no matter how hard I try) all organized, all wrapped in a perfect bow, all cutely dressed with smiles all the time. In fact, I am far from that...my family is far from that...but that is okay...because He loves me in my imperfection. He loves you in your imperfection. For those of you who think you can not adopt because you do not have the perfect family...with the perfect house...the reality is that you never will. He uses us for His glory where we are...and the beauty of our Lord is that He does not leave us where we are...He is continually shaping us...continually transforming us into His image. So, there are days when my house is a wreck...the clothes are not washed...and I am very late. But that is okay because He saved a wretch like me.

I LOVE YOU, MOMMY!

2009-09-28T17:16:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I talked with Dana this morning our time. Court went REALLY well...and both Kecks and Mayernicks got their verbal ruling....Hooray!!! Now they need to wait until they can get their written ruling and then get their letter for the passports. So many steps....but I talked to Danny tonight and he seemed encouraged. In his words...."the best news is that it is a done deal....we are going to get him." Thank you Jesus!

So after their court date my PRECIOUS FRIENDS took Judah to the doctor. We have no news yet on the results of his tests....but things look good. Then they were all out to lunch and Dana called. AND I GOT TO TALK TO JUDAH AGAIN!!!!!! I really hope he NEVER loses his accent...I am in love with it!!! He told me he went to the doctor...that he was with Asher in Kampala...I told him how much his Daddy and I loved him...and how we are coming very soon. Then, HE SIMPLY SAID....I LOVE YOU, MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has been a very good day...I have been replaying his sweet voice in my mind over and over...it is a memory that I want to capture in my heart forever.

Tomorrow

2009-09-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to remind everyone that tomorrow is a BIG day. Dana and Suzanne both have their verbal court rulings tomorrow! It would be INCREDIBLE if they also received their written rulings as well. So I am asking everyone to be praying for them. I am also going to be asking for prayer for Judah. Tomorrow he will be taken to the doctor to have some tests done. Pray for good results! Can not wait until he is in my arms....we leave in exactly thirteen days and will kiss his face all over in fifteen days!!!! Thank you to so many who have been praying.

I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."
Psalm 16 :2

He Is My Strength And My Song

2009-09-22T19:11:00.001-07:00

IT IS OFFICIAL...DRUM ROLL PLEASE....WE HAVE BOUGHT OUR PLANE TICKETS...woo hoo!!!! Ryan and I will be leaving on October 10th, we will arrive on the twelfth in Entebbe, and hopefully get to see our son, soon thereafter. The court date is scheduled for the fifteenth. In most situations...at the court date the family is given a date for the next ruling...then after the verbal ruling is given....a written ruling is given...then we can get his passport and visa. Then we can bring him home!!!!

As I was talking to the travel agent...I had to project different scenarios....one trips, two trips, if the first trip needs to be extended...etc. I could sense that I was getting a little apprehensive and overwhelmed about the future. This is what I read from Jesus Calling immediately following.

Trust Me and refuse to worry, for I am your strength and song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times looming ahead, measuring them against your own strength. However, they are not today's tasks--or even tomorrow's. So leave them in the future and come home to the present, where you will find Me waiting for you. Since I am your Strength, I can empower you to handle each task as it comes. Because I am your Song. I can give you Joy as you work alongside Me.

Opening My Eyes

2009-09-21T17:42:00.000-07:00

Friday night after we got the news of our court date I was just too excited to sleep. So...I decided to wait up and call Dana around four in the morning our time...hoping she might be at the orphange...hoping Judah would not be taking a nap. And the Lord blessed us again that day with such a gift. I woke Ryan up and we TALKED TO JUDAH ON THE PHONE!!!! I tell you what, I am puddy in his hands from the accent alone. We told him we loved him, we told him we were coming soon, ...and he simply said, "I want to go home." I have said it before and I will say it again....there are no words....no words to describe hearing your son's voice for the first time. That night while tucking Noah into bed he declared, "I am staying up all night long to call Judah and tell him I am his big brother." It really was precious...and then he asked me, "Mom, why are so many of our friends adopting?" It was a question that I have been thinking about ever since. And all I could answer is that God is opening the eyes and hearts of many....for His children. We are becoming educated.

When Ryan felt the Lord calling him to seminary...I knew that the Lord would be teaching him, but I had no idea how much He would be teaching me as well. I had no idea He would be teaching me about those who are starving, those who have no voice, those who are dying just from lack of medicine....but He has been opening my eyes and I am trying to become more educated.
When I was faced with the reality of just thinking that our own son may or may not have a disease that I have been fearful about my entire life... it opened my eyes....it opened my eyes that I needed to become educated... after I read and talked to doctors (I had no idea that having a cousin who is an infectious disease specialist would ever mean so much.) I realized that this disease that I was so fearful about...really is extremely hard to get....more hard to get than I could imagine...but I had to and am still becoming educated. This post was hard for me to write...but honestly last week during the ups and downs...I realized that if I am to love those He has asked me to love...I must learn.

So while Ryan is attending class and learning so much....love that man....God has been educating me in ways that I had not expected.

I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever. Psalm 52:8b

Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow

2009-09-18T19:47:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I received a phone call and we have gotten our court day!!!!! The date is set for October 15th. I can not even begin to explain how happy we are feeling....to finally hold our son....I am going to shout it again....WE ARE GOING TO UGANDA!!!!!
Since the phone call it has been a whirlwind of elation. I am so late posting because we had already promised the other three that we would go with our precious friends, the Welborns, to see forty hot air balloons aglow. It was such a night of celebration. It's funny because I have ALWAYS LOVED hot air balloons....when I was a little girl my room was decorated in hot air balloons....(my precious sister even gave me a birthday surprise of riding in one). So tonight I gazed at forty hot air balloons alight surrounding me, rejoiced, and stood in awe of what the Lord has done.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
praise Him all creatures here below,
praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts,
praise Father, son and Holy Ghost.

JUDAH, WE ARE COMING!!!!!

Updates

2009-09-17T13:45:00.001-07:00

I talked to Dana after she posted her blog. It is VERY hard for them to get internet service...it goes in and out. So she asked me to update everyone with some wonderful news. BOTH THE KECKS AND THE MAYERNICKS FIRST COURT RULINGS ARE GOING TO COUNT!!!! This is amazing....truly amazing....an immediate answer to prayer. I am going to try and explain.....We thought they were going to have to go back to court in two weeks....then go back for a verbal ruling....then wait for a written ruling. So when they go to court it will count for the last time!!!! The written ruling is usually given within a few days. Thank you Lord...thank you Lord.

If you have already read Dana's last blog....she wrote that Asher is having a VERY hard time not being with her. Tonight as she left him....they hugged and he did not react as badly as he has in the past. Thank you Lord...thank you Lord.

Keep praying....they are honestly seeing prayers answered. The next prayer request is hard for me to even write. Pray that the rest of the orphans do not have TB. Pray for Arnold and his family who thought they were coming home tomorrow. But, due to TB testing...needs to be retested so they can not come home for at least 40 days and could be much, much longer. Pray for the Amani staff....they are doing so much to help...and we are so grateful for them. Lastly, I selfishly ask for Gwen and myself to recieve news regarding our court date. Thank you to everyone who is lifting us all up. Each time I can...I will update.

Blessed be the name of the Lord from this time forth and forevermore! From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised! Psalm 13:2-3

Mirembe...Peace

2009-09-16T11:20:00.000-07:00

"But now be strong, O Zerubbabel, declares the Lord. Be strong,....Be strong, all you people of the land, declares the Lord and work for I am with you.....
Do not fear.....And in the place I will grant peace." Haggi 2:4, 5, 9

As most of you know....Josie Love...sweet Josie Love, the Mayernick's little one, has HIV. Continue to pray for understanding....continue to pray for wisdom....continue to pray for her health.....continue to pray for peace. They are such an amazing family and hearts everywhere around the world are breaking for/with them. It is such a reflection of the body of Christ to rejoice with those who are rejoicing and weep for those who are weeping. So many people are in prayer...The Lord knows the plans He has for Josie....And His plans are perfect.

So I am grieving for the Mayernicks and yet thankful for the Kecks. Asher's TB test came back clear. Thank you....thank you!!!! He is bonding with Dana so well. In fact I got to talk to him on the phone....PRECIOUS!!! His little accent is adorable and we just talked and talked about his mommy and his daddy...his two brothers...and sweet Sylvie. He would say..."my mommy...my mommy" Dana bought him a little backpack with his name on it for all his stuff....she says he literally will not take it off...so cute! Because it appears he does not have TB their court date will be in another two weeks...keep praying for that date.

When Noah was praying at bedtime, not dinner tonight, he just simply said "Lord thank you that our family has food to eat. Amen" And it was exactly what I needed to hear. It made me so thankful for Amani, Judah's orphange, that they took him in when he was a week old and that they have fed him food ever since. In that one prayer...I was gently reminded that if He takes care and feeds the birds....how much more so does he take care of my son Judah....His son Judah.
Early this morning, I felt like the Lord was leading me to keep reading from Haggi. (not my usual quiet time perference) I literally kept saying these verses to myself over and over....be strong...be strong...and in that place I will grant peace. When my husband came home...I shared with him the verses that were on my heart all day. (He is so great at helping me see the context within which these verses were written.) I had been saying this verses and not even knowing that they were about the kingdom of Judah!!! Little history....The kingdom of Judah had been conqured and the temple in Jerusalem destroyed 70 years prior to this text, Zerubbabel is leading the people in the rebuilding of the temple after they have been allowed to return to Jerusalem from captivity in Babylon. Haggi retells and celebrates the rebuilding of the temple and the restoration of peace in Judah and Jerusalem.
So the whole passage is about peace, bondage, and restoration. We had decided from the outset that we wanted his middle name to be African. A few weeks ago we decided on Mirembe which means peace. Amani, his orphanage, also means a place of peace. Thank you Lord for your peace that passes all understanding.

Sometimes Things Don't Make Sense

2009-09-15T06:11:00.000-07:00

My friends, the Mayernicks, are hurting so badly....more pain than I can fathom....please read Mike's words....please, please I beg you to pray, pray for them http://joiningthejourney.blogspot.com

I spoke with Dana and her little one Asher (precious!) on the phone....I will write more about this later on.....just want everyone to be lifting up the Mayernicks.

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me....He has sent me to bind up the the brokenhearted...to give them beauty for ahses...that He might be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3

Joining Me in Prayer

2009-09-13T13:54:00.000-07:00

My dear friends flew out on Thursday, headed toward Uganda. There were riots in Kampala all day Friday, so they had to stay in Entebbe (a nearby city) for safety....early Saturday morning they headed to the orphanage in Jinja. Asher immediately knew who his mommy was....walked up to Dana and said, "I want to go home". She has gotten to spend every second with him since. She has been so moved just by the sheer poverty....her heart is breaking for those around her.

Suzanne's blog...made me stop and just weep. You can visit her blog joiningthejourney.blogspot.com. These are her words....
"As I glanced up little Joseph and Daisy (Oatsvall children) were standing at the door, so I was able to kiss and love and kiss and love on them and say your mama is coming soon! Then, I looked around and there sat teeny tiny (with BIG marble brown eyes) little Patrick (Maddux lil one) and I held him, kissed his cheeks and told him that his mama and daddy are coming soon too. And then there was little Judah with his timid little grin ran into my arms for hugs and I whispered those same words to him "she will be here soon! Your mama and daddy are coming! My heart was totally overwhelmed with joy as I looked into each of these orphans eyes KNOWING that the are no longer orphans, their parents are coming for them. Then I made my way to find little Josephine. She sat in my lap and didn't leave for the while day!........And then I spotted Nicholas (Maddux's other lil one) and I just started laughing! He and Josie are in the same room, sleeping, eating and doing life together...just like they will be once they get home!!!! and THEN on the playground there was little Bobby who was running, jumping, and playing with every inch of his little body. Full of energy, joy and it made my heart COMPLETE knowing that I will see all of these children DAILY for the rest of my life. (Smallings, i have several in mind for you...precious!)"

(I was only going to write a few of Suzanne's words...but it was just too good!!!!)

Please, please join me in praying for their court date....TOMORROW....that everything will go smoothly...that they will get quick rulings. Please, please join me prayer for their safety. Please, please join me in praying for a little boy named Arnold. His dear family has been in Jinja since August 25th, there is a chance he may have TB...and if he does his sweet family will have to leave and not bring him home for another six months.
Please, please join me in praying for my friend Gwen, who, like us, is just waiting on God's timing for our court date. We wait to go experience what our friends are experiencing. And we wait to go love on our children and the other orphans. The waiting has been crippling at times....other moments I just try to figure out what the Lord is trying to teach me.
There are now a total of eight families (that I know of) from our church/school community in Nashville who are adopting from this orphanage...a total of ten children!!!! Ten children who will have mommy's daddy's. Ten children who will know the love of a family. Do I claim to have it all together? Absolutely not. Do I claim that my other three children have it all together? Absolutely not. We are an imperfect family....who make mistakes daily...and we are called to love others in our imperfection because Christ first loved us.
Before church this morning our phone rang early....and I saw that it was my grandmother (my dad's mom...not the one who just had two strokes). My heart stirred....and I must confess... that "oh no, what has happened" feeling came into my mind. Yet, my fears were put to rest after hearing her words. She said she was getting together after church with a lot of her friends and family and she just wanted to check on the status of Judah....had we heard? My dear, dear grandmother.....this eighty-five year old woman who just wants to share what God is doing in her four-year old African great-grandchild's life. Her concern and love meant more to me than words can express.
I know this one was long....but just wanted to share and ask for your prayers. Thank you,,..thank you for joining me in prayer.
And my to my friends in Uganda....Dana, Suzanne, and Renee...much, much love!

2009-09-07T15:39:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went home to visit my mom. We had such a great time and the kids had a blast with "Cookie" and "Pappy." It was a little break from getting ready to go to Uganda....a little break from the waiting.....a little break from the wanting. My precious grandmother has had two strokes in the past few weeks and she is not doing very well. It was good for the children to hug on her......it was good for me to hug on her. She is an unbelievable woman and I am praying Judah will get the chance to meet her. As soon as I got home....it hit me like a ton of bricks.....part of my heart is in Uganda. And God did it again. Emily Worrall, amazing Emily Worrall, who has never even met me or spoken to me.....sent me this third video of my son laughing. Oh...how I needed just to see his face.....thank you Emily.....thank you Lord.

Christ Presbyterian Adoption Booklet

2009-09-03T17:03:00.000-07:00

Christ Presbyterian Church is putting together a booklet on adoption composed of the submitted writings from the congregation. During the month of November, Christ Presbyterian is celebrating adoptions and these booklets will be shared. Here is what I wrote for the booklet!

Psalm 91: 14-16
“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

We are in the process right now of adopting a little boy who is four years old from Uganda. The judge has signed his custody papers. Yet, even as I write this, we are anxiously waiting for a court date. Once we have the court date we will travel to Africa and get our son!

A seed of desire for adopting a child was planted early on in my life. Due to some medical problems, I had been told at the age of seventeen that I would probably never have children. Three biological children later, God began to cultivate that seed, which He had planted years before. We had begun to pray for the Lord’s leading as to when and where we were called to adopt. Immediately upon hearing about the need in Uganda, the Lord made it very clear to both of us. That was where our son was waiting. I have heard that adoption is not grown in the womb but in the heart- and my heart is overwhelmingly swelling. Throughout this adoption process, the Lord has been teaching me so much. Primarily, to follow where and when He leads. He has shown me that my hand must be open, and I am to trust fully even when things do not make sense. He has also now placed a deep burden on my heart that I hope never lightens. This burden is for orphans around the world. My eyes have been opened and the veil has been lifted. There are over one hundred forty-seven million orphans around the world- without home, without hope, and in need of the Lord’s hand of provision. I have not even gotten to hold Judah yet, but Judah has already taught me so much about the Lord’s character. God is the hero of every story, coming to the rescue of those who need his mercy and grace. God has delivered us from the kingdom of darkness and brought us into the Kingdom of Light, adopting us into the family as children of our Father.

Judah is a picture of sweet redemption. He is four years old, and he is adorable!!!! We have seen pictures and watched videos. Friends, which have volunteered at his orphanage, have given me little glimpses into his life. In all our pictures, he almost always has a HUGE smile on his face. One day, I hope he reads this and realizes how much I CAN NOT WAIT to hold him in my arms, to kiss his face all over, to rub noses, to sing to him, to help him realize that he has not been alone these past four years. God protected him when he was left in a taxicab at one week old. And God answered him with a “forever family”. For all the days of his life, God will be with him, deliver him, and lead him. I want him to know that the waiting is very hard- that we would bring him home this second if we could. But, O, how I am so grateful that God has given us this amazing little boy that we have prayed for… for so long...our Judah!

By the time you read this, we will hopefully have him home with our “forever family”. But as I am writing this, part of our heart is in Uganda, and not complete without him. Soon, little one, soon…

-Lindsey (and Ryan) Doyle

Peace and Rest

2009-08-30T11:42:00.001-07:00

Well, I must say I have been feeling such a mix of emotions lately...lots of ups and downs. If you can, please, please read Katie's newest post on her blog "kissesfromkatie".....I have had a heavy heart ever since. Things lately just are out of my control...I honestly can not give a direct answer about anything right now in my life. Daily everyone asks....do you have a court date....when do you think you will leave for Africa? Ryan's fall term began and he is commuting every other weekend. In the past few weeks at two different times I have been asked to pray about adopting another child. The first opportunity was a domestic bi-racial baby. The birth mother had no previous pregnangcy care and was in denial that she was even pregnant. Ryan and I talked, prayed, and fasted....this was not our baby to take. I can tell you now that a wonderful couple already adopted that precious little one...thank you Jesus! The second opportunity was a little girl who lives in Africa. I don't know all the details but she needs an operation regarding her brain...if she has the operation she should be just fine...if she does not get the operation her capabilities will be slim. My heart is ripping out regarding this little girl...maybe because my own father passed from a brain tumor....maybe because I feel helpless. After much prayer, I do not think that God is telling our family to adopt her....but I continue to lift her up in hopes that someone will feel that calling. Maybe it is the guilt of not adopting those two little ones, maybe it is the craziness of taking care of the three little ones while Ryan is out of town, maybe it is the waiting to get Judah.....I don't know but I feel out of control....oh Lord, will you take control because I can't do it. Katie's newest post is piercing to the core...to think that children around this world live in boxes....have worms literally coming out of their bodies....or have white hair because of the lack of nutrition....it is mind- wrecking. I am still processing...I am still praying...I feel at loss of how to help...I feel guilt that I can not do more. My little Emma Lynn came into my room this afternoon and asked if we could snuggle...then she asked if we could watch Judah's video where he is laughing. She watched the video on my laptop over and over and then she immediately feel asleep for a nap right beside the laptop. It was as if she wanted to make sure that Judah was okay...and after seeing his smiling face she could be at peace and rest. And it hit me....all I can do is what the Lord asks of me for today. I can continue to advocate for the orphan, I can continue to support where He leads, I can continue to educate my own children for the hurting so that one day they might feel called to take care of those in need. God does not have me living in Africa feeding that village....but I can send support....and I can pray....and ultimately I must be at peace and rest in the arms of Jesus.

The Sweetness Of The Present

2009-08-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

I honestly thought that we would have been given a court date by now. I thought I would have bought the plane tickets and made preparations by now. It is funny that not only has God revealed how much I want my son in my arms....but he has also revealed to me how much I want and crave control of my circumstances. There have been times when I have wondered why it is taking so long. But, during all the wondering....God has been good. It seems like daily I have received some new unexpected treasure regarding Judah that I can ponder in my heart. Soon after we decided to adopt Judah, sweet Emily Worrall sent me a video of him laughing from last summer. (you can see it at the beginning of the blog) And she has sent me another video of him laughing from this summer. (still trying to figure out how to put it on here) How amazing to have captured his laugh two years in a row for our family to view. Thank you, my friend! Yesterday I also received in the mail a collection of goodies from the Proctors. (a cd of pictures, a dvd of him, etc.) Thank you so much and grateful that God has knit our hearts together!!!! It is surreal to me because these videos, pictures, etc. were probably taken weeks ago. But the Lord knew that I needed them the day I received them. It is as if He is continually saying....I know you want your son....I know you are hurting....I will provide you with unexpected surprises to help ease the waiting. Yet, during the wait....he is blessing me and teaching me all at the same time. I can not forget that His timing is perfect.
The beginning of a school year is always a little hectic so I am very thankful that I can get Noah, Bella, and Emma Lynn in a routine before I leave for Africa. During this past week, my little Bella started kindergarten. It is only three hours and she doesn't even have lunch there....but it was a huge milestone. I was so excited for her and yet at the same time sad that she will be gone every morning. I left those exact words on my facebook page the day she started. My incredible father-in-law wrote these words back to me, "drink the sweetness of the present." And that is exactly what I am trying to do. As I wait for my fourth child....soccer, ballet, gymnastics begin for my other three. Homework is starting, the days are cooling, and fall is just around the corner. The Lord knows the exact day, the exact hour, the exact minute that I will receive the court date. He knows the exact day, the exact hour, the exact minute that I will step off a plane with Judah in my arms. I can not doubt His timing. For whatever reason....it is not time to leave quite yet and that is okay. Maybe the Lord is settling my other three....maybe the Lord is not through preparing Judah....maybe the Lord is still teaching me to truly open up my hand....maybe the Lord is telling me to drink the sweetness of the present. So while the waiting is long....I am not through pondering the lessons, praying for my family, and praising my Maker for these unexpected gifts.

Proctor Blessing

2009-08-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

Dan and Dee Anne Proctor visited Uganda recently. Several posts ago, it shows Dee Anne receiving our gifts to take to the boys. Well, let me tell you.....again, I am brought to my knees. Honestly, brought to my knees in amazement over the love that many have shown. This video from the Proctors.....a surprise gift.... captures the very heart of my child....the joy of catching bubbles....the pride of holding something that is his very own.....the peace of knowing he has a family waiting for him. Just when I think I can not wait another day to get a court date and hold him in my arms...God surprises and blesses. And to my friends, the Proctors, I am overwhelming appreciative of your thoughtfulness. Blessings over you dear friends.....thank you.

(You can mute my song list so that you can hear the video better.)

No Words Only Tears Of Joy

2009-08-12T04:48:00.000-07:00

An Amani volunteer, who was there all summer long, sent me these pictures early this morning. Emily Worrall, you are AMAZING.....THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!! Seriously, I am deeply touched and grateful. Crying tears of thanksgiving.......over this memory that she captured. One is with sweet auntie Emily and Asher......love it!!!! One is with Asher......could it be any cuter? And the rest.....my son looking at pictures of his mommy, daddy, brother, and sisters. Look at his precious face.....there are no words.

Judah's Shower

2009-08-09T07:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday some dear friends from our church in St. Louis, South City, gave Judah a "baby shower". I must tell you when they asked if they could give it I was quite taken back. This is my fourth child and Judah is not a baby.....so the thought honestly never entered my mind. I was so touched that they even considered doing this for him. I think what made it so endearing is that he can one day look at these pictures and gifts and witness the rejoicing over his life. I can add all these pictures, cards, etc. to his "baby book". I have been collecting ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for him: Pictures that volunteers sent me when he was a baby, emails from precious volunteers about his life at Amani, and emails that actually have any information regarding him at all. Call me crazy, but I even print out encouraging messages from facebook that are about him. I want him to have his own"baby book." I want him to see how much we celebrated his life even before we had him. I want him to see the story of redemption over his life.

At a South City shower, after eating, the person for whom the shower is given shares their story of what God has done in their life........their testimony. Just saying the words out loud from the beginning of my story up until now was such a reflection time for me to see where God has brought me.....the trials, the celebrations, the lessons......and it was neat to see His hands leading my heart toward adoption from early on (as a teenager) to the soon-to-be present reality of my son. After I gave my testimony, we had a time of prayer for Judah. As my friends were praying for him, I was struck by how many people shared a genuine love for him. My son does not even realize how much he is delighted over....what a sweet picture of the church. I am not pregnant with hormones but friends let me tell you how much I was crying tears of joy yesterday. I don't know if my friends meant to.....but the gifts given have such significance.....a blanket with his life verse monogrammed on it, a banner made out of the letters of his name, and his very own bible. To have anything at all that belongs to only you is unheard for an orphan....toys, clothes, shoes are all shared.....nothing belongs to only you. I can not comprehend what it is like......to not know where I am from....to not know where I belong.....to not know that there is someone who is going to love me unconditionally forever. He now can see where he was from.....know that he belongs with our family.....feel everyday that he is loved forever. I have heard that it is a love not grown in the womb, but a love grown in the heart. My dear Judah......my heart is overwhelming growing everyday with love for you. Soon little one....soon.

Praying In A Parking Lot

2009-08-04T17:13:00.001-07:00

Well....today was a crazy day! The day started when I decided to take the girls and our neighbor to a bike park to ride bikes. Well I had envisioned all three girls just having a sweet time riding and laughing. We weren't there twenty minutes when the neighbor crashed. She is a little older then Bella......so she has her permanet teeth. During the fall she cracked her front permanent tooth. Why couldn't it have been one of my girls with their baby teeth....or just one of my girls that didn't belong to someone else? Her parents were very gracious and got her an appointment with the dentist immediately.....but I still felt horrible! So, later this afternoon my three children had a camp for three hours at the children's museum. I dropped them off and went to buy some soup for a couple who just had their first baby. I drove up to their house, got the soup out, and the bottom busted out and spilled all over my car.....then cleaned up the soup, and went in to see my friends. They were so cute...got to see the precious nursery....got to hold the six week old baby--so adorable!!! I wasn't there ten minutes when my cell phone rang. My four year old daughter decided this was not the day she was going to camp.....meaning....she was not going to stop crying until her mommy came. The camp counselor politely asked me to come and pick her up.
Some days are like this. Some days are crazy. Some days I feel I am under attack. After I picked up the four year old....I thought what can I check off my list with only one child....easier then three. I looked in the mirror and she was fast asleep. None of mine nap anymore so I decided that she needed it and I wouldn't get her out of the car. What to do? I pulled the car over into a parking lot and decided to pray. My husband is preaching on prayer this Sunday. And I knew I needed it, he needed it, we all need it. I thought of the events that had happened today. I remembered that when I left my friend, who is a brand new mommy, there were tears in my eyes. For what....just because today was a little harder. My hardest days don't even compare to so many.

Early this morning, before my crazy day began, I had a message from a friend who is also adopting, a little girl from Uganda, from Judah's orphanage. She told me of a volunteer's blog that had a video of her ADORABLE little girl. I went to the blog and what I read hit me hard. The blogger asked people to pray for a particular orphan. You see....I know exactly who this orphan is.....I have looked at his pictures for months. Most all of the pictures that I have of Judah he is playing with him. He has these big puffy cheeks that you honestly want to just kiss a thousand times over. He is captivating. I have often thought someone needs to snatch him up-you can not help but love him, even from his pictures. Today as I read her blog I found out that he seems to be unadoptable. And that he understands that his four best friends are being adopted by families in Nashville....but not him. He will most likely remain in different orphanges and probably never have a family. As I prayed in that parking lot, I wept harder than I have in along time. I truly mourned for him and for so many other orphans who will never get adopted...who will never have a mommy or daddy. Please join me in lifting up this little guy. This little guy who makes my "crazy" days seem like absolutely nothing.
Oh God, for as crazy as my days already seem....let my heart be open....open to your calling...however big or small you ask for my family to be.....I pray your will for whatever you have for my family....four children.....six children....ten children....do not let me get caught up in this world as I so often do....help me to serve those around me....help me to take care of those who can not take care of themselves....continue to prick my heart for those who do not have anyone to love them....continue to lay that little one and many others on my heart to pray for....even if it is an hour in my car....praying in a parking lot.... O Lord, help me to pray.

Loved On

2009-07-29T21:07:00.001-07:00

The Keck family and our family met a dear friend for lunch yesterday. This precious friend is headed to Uganda next week. Not only is she headed to Uganda---she is stopping by Amani-Judah and Asher's orphanage.

Her and her husband will begin spending half of the year in Uganda annually. We had been in a bible study together years ago---but had lost contact. Can you believe how God brought us back together? This was the perfect time to let them know that we love them so much!!! Our families sent the boys a little something to love on until we can get there. We got Judah an elephant "lovie"--on the lovie there is a picture of a little elephant holding the tail of a big elephant. Noah says that he is the big elephant and Judah is the little one-holding onto him! We attached more pictures of our family so he can be looking at us some more. (He has no idea how many times a day we look at his pictures-hee-hee!) Our friend traveling is going to send us more photos of the boys getting their surprises. We can't wait to see his sweet face as he is loved on! We continue to pray for our court date. And we continue to pray that Judah understands in his little heart that we are coming as fast as we can. Here are some pictures of our lunch. Judah and Asher hang on---WE ARE COMING SOON!!!!

Those In Need

2009-07-20T12:16:00.000-07:00

Years ago Ryan and I attended a Christmas concert by Michael W. Smith. At the conference we were presented with information regarding Compassion International. Compassion International is a Christian ministry that provides resources both spiritually and economically to children in deep social and physical poverty all around the world. We felt led to start supporting a child. A boy, who was five at the time, from Guatamala -became our "sponsored child." We monthly donate money to him for his food, housing, and education. We give extra "little somethings" for birthdays and Christmas. We pray together for him as a family often. Throughout the years we have written many letters to him. Ryan's 80+ students even wrote to him quarterly as an assignment--blessing him with MANY letters. (And Ryan also used this opportunity to teach his students about poverty and the need for our response all around the world.) And the boy would write back. I knew we could be making a difference in a child's life. But I must confess that I would write a check every month and I did not let it penetrate my heart. I knew his father had died years ago and he lived with his mother who tried to find odd jobs. This past fall we got a heart- wrenching letter. His mother had also passed away. I remember Ryan and I both standing in the kitchen bewildered, overwhelmed by a great sense of helplessness and a deep feeling of loss. All of a sudden he became so real to us and the need seemed so much greater. There was always need but I had not allowed it to grip me. I could not shake the fact that he did not have either parents caring for him. This child that I had prayed for- so many times now did not have his mother. Ryan was so affected by the situation that he stated immediately that we needed to try to adopt him. We now know that he lives with his uncle and this is exactly where God wants him to be. We are rejoicing over that uncle who has taken in his precious nephew as his own. At that moment in our kitchen Ryan got it, If we were not to adopt him---we were called to adopt--NOW. Over the course of time it became clear that it was not just a good idea---but what we were called to do. Yet, it made me ask myself----why did it take his mother dying for it to really prick my heart? Hasn't the Lord asked me to care for the husbandless? Hasn't the Lord asked me to love the fatherless? Hasn't the Lord asked me to feed his children? Oh, how I pray that I will be rocked to my core for those in need. For those to whom much has been given, much has been asked.

This past weekend I visited my sister. My eleven year old niece had attended a huge Christian youth conference in FL (7,000 youth ) When we picked her up she was so full of joy over all that the Lord had shown her during the conference. The greatest thing on her heart----she had decided to "sponsor a child" from Compassion International. Here she is---eleven years old---barely older than the child she will sponsor---deciding to babysit and do odd jobs to earn money. She wants to earn money so that she can provide a better life for a child. All that she has in the world---she wants to give. She got it. There are children all around the world with nothing. She got it. It penetrated her heart and she was rocked to the core for those in need.

For those to whom much has been given, much has been asked.

A Joyful Song of Praise

2009-07-14T18:21:00.000-07:00

When you open the blog the song that starts is Jesus I Come (Out of Bondage). It is a song from one of the Christ Community cd's, entitled Indelible Grace III-produced by Kevin Twit. We sing this song during worship at our church and it moves me everytime I sing it. It has been a favorite of mine for years, but it now has a deeper meaning in my heart. I now think of my precious son, Judah, when I hear it. The title of the blog was named Jubilant Psalm after this song- a more poetic way of phrasing-a joyful song of praise. Singing a joyful song of praise, we are praising Him for His sweet hand over our boy. And honestly, I also think of myself and the depth and depravity of my sin-for I to was brought out of bondage, sorrow and night into His freedom, gladness and light. Here are the words of the whole song. I could not download the entire song on my blog. I highly suggest getting the cd it is powerful.

Out of my bondage, sorrow and night, Jesus I come:

Jesus I come. Into Thy freedom, gladness and light,

Jesus I come to Thee. Out of my sickness into Thy

health. Out of my wanting and into Thy wealth, Out

of my sin and into Thyself, Jesus I come to Thee.

Out of my shameful failure and loss, Jesus I come; Jesus

I come. Into the glorious gain of Thy cross, Jesus I come

to Thee. Out of earth's sorrows into Thy balm, Out of

life's storms and into Thy calm. Out of distress into

jubilant psalm, Jesus I come to Thee.

Out of unrest and arrogant pride, Jesus I come;

Jesus I come. Into Thy blessed will to abide, Jesus I

come to Thee. Out of myself to dwell in Thy love,

Out of despair into raptures above, Upward forever

on wings like a dove, Jesus I come to Thee.

Out of the fear and dread of the tomb, Jesus I come;

Jesus I come. Into the joy and light of Thy home, Jesus

I come to Thee. Out of the depths of ruin untold, Into

the peace of Thy sheltering fold. Ever Thy glorious face

to behold, Jesus I come to Thee.

Happy Birthday My Son!!!!

2009-07-07T06:21:00.001-07:00

Today is Judah Marvin's birthday!!!! The orphanage is wonderful-they pick out a day to celebrate each child. Since the doctors estimated his age to be around five weeks old when he was brought to the hospital the orphange chose July 7 to be his birthdate. This is a sweet picture a volunteer sent me from last year. Look how proud he is of his birthday poster!!!! Today he is four years old-happy birthday little guy!!! I wish so badly that I could be there with him today. It makes me so sad that I have missed four years of his precious life--but I will celebrate with him all the rest of his days. How amazing that the Lord knew four years ago that this little one would one day be a part of our family. Today I have also been thinking of his biological mother. I have been praying for her. I do not know if she is alive, but I continue to think of her anyway. Not only have I been thanking the Lord today for Judah's life, but for her's also. I am in awe how God would shelter and protect this little guy in such a mighty way and allow our stories to become one. Happy Birthday my precious boy!!!! Mommy is praising the Lord for your life!!!!

This verse I have been praying over him today-Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..."

Days Like Today

2009-07-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

Today was just a regular summer day with my family. Noah played Star Wars with the neighbors. I helped the girls with riding their bikes and pushed them on the swing set. We went to the pool. The kids seemed to have a blast and their smiles, dirty feet, and exhausted yawns showed me it was worth it. Despite all the fun, I must admit that today was a harder day for me. I continued to think of Judah. I continued to think of how he was missing out on all the normal every day activities that we do. I continued to think of how I was missing out on his smiles and how I don't yet know how he acts when he reaches his full of fun exhaustion. I continue to pray for him and trust that he realizes we are coming as soon as we can. Honestly, I am beginning to come to an understanding that we will probably not get a court date until after the judges have come back from their break. And I am accepting that we will probably go to Africa at the end of August or the beginning of September. I know that many families that are going through the adoption process must wait much longer then we have had to (and I pray for them often)-but on days like today-I just want Judah here. I just want to push him on a swing. . .I just want to help him on his bike. . . and I can't wait for the day that he is playing Star Wars with the neighbors. On days like today, I look at his sweet picture. I see him swinging on an old dirty tire swing and yet look at his amazing smile-so full of joy. I read this recently in Elisabeth Elliot's, Keep a Quiet Heart. I am memorizing it so that it is hidden in my heart for days like today.

Lord, give to me a quiet heart

That does not ask to understand,

But confident steps forward in

The darkness guided by Thy hand.

A Window Into Judah's World

2009-06-23T12:55:00.000-07:00

This is an excerpt from what I replied to an amazing Amani volunteer.

Words can not express my gratitude for your words about Judah. I have read countless times-forwarded to friends and family -my husband and myself even just sat and cried. This information is invaluable. He will be able to read these words and catch a glimpse of what his life was like-something that I his mommy could never tell him or even begin to tell him. Thank you doesn't do justice to what I want to express. Not only did you provide information-I am just amazed at how you and many others have loved him so well. God truly wrapped his arms around him and gave him many mommies "aunties" to care for him, to hug him, to teach him, and to make him laugh and smile. I knew at age seventeen I was supposed to adopt but I am truly brought to my knees at how God has protected my son. I had no idea it would be Africa and I am so thankful it will be.

This is an excerpt from the email from the precious volunteer. She is INCREDIBLE!

I first met Judah when he was in Baby Room 1, it's for babies who don't walk yet, so he was still just a crawler. He was a quiet baby who loved attention and sucked his fingers a lot for comfort. He was such a snuggler and could sit in your lap, content, for a long time. He loved to be held as he was going to sleep. Judah had the crib right next to where I would put diapers on babies right before bed (as they were coming out of the bath). He loved to play with my pony tail as I was down on my knees drying and diapering babies. He thought it was hilarious and I would snap around really fast and "scare" him and he would fall back into his crib, cracking up. He could do this over and over again!

When he moved to the next Baby Room, Baby 2, he slept on a top crib (the cribs are like bunk beds, only they're small cribs). He would stand up, holding onto his crib, and check out his room (sucking his little fingers of course). He adjusted well to his room change and liked being with the bigger babies. He especially liked to look at books. He was SO proud of himself when he started to learn to walk. He smiled easily when you would smile at him!

Judah really came out of his shell when he moved to the toddler house. He didn't talk very much before this, but now he started to say, "Auntie!" when he would see volunteers. He shared a bed with other toddler boys, and still such a little guy that he was wearing 12-18 month shorts! I also remember he wore a button down shirt a lot too. He was too little to go to pre-school with the 4-5 year old children when I was teaching, so he spent time playing with animals and coloring with his mamas. He loved to peer into the classroom to see what the big kids were doing and thought he was so funny when we would discover he was looking. He was very well behaved little guy though so at the end of Arielle and I's teaching at Amani, we would let him come in for school-at least for craft time. We would ask him if he wanted to come to school and he always said, "yes!" and would come right into the classroom and find a seat. He loved to play with the big boys during afternoon play. He loved the big tire swing in the front yard and liked "loggin (wagon)" rides and the little cars. He liked to be pushed fast and would giggle the whole time. Judah was kind of like the big kids little brother, he loved being involved with whatever they were playing with but was littlest one-it was super cute.

He loved to go into town. The children put on "smart" clothes when they go to town and when I would dress him in his smart clothes he would get a big smile and tell me he was smart. I put him in overalls because he is so little his pants would fall down otherwise. He had shoes with Lightning McQueen on them. He loved orange Fanta soda and could drink a whole bottle by himself. (I know, no the healthiest, but in UG, kids drink soda). He liked to get silly and a little wild at nighttime. The boys loved when the "aunties" would come in at night to give them all one last hug and kiss. Judah was often one of the silliest boys at bedtime-jumping around on his bed and needing yet another hug and kiss. We would get all the boys settled and he would still want to be silly. He wasn't often naughty, so it was good to see him so spirited at bedtime!

Judah will absolutely thrive with the love of a family. Some of the children, sadly, are so good at living at an orphanage. They fight hard for attention and would be the first ones to greet the volunteers when they walked in the gates. He was a quieter little boy who didn't scream for attention and could be content to sit by himself-he lit up when he was sought out and picked up or given special attention. He has a shy smile and needs to warm up to people. He does well with individual attention and will grow leaps and bounds with a mommy and daddy of his very own. I think there is a lot of Judah that won't come out until he is with his family-does that make sense at all? I think with security and constant love he will grow more than you could imagine. I saw him grow so much, but I know he's a little boy that will do best in his forever family. Judah is an extremely sweet and special little boy. I have a huge place in my heart for him-and miss him dearly. I can't put into words how incredibly sweet he is and how much I love him.

What a Father's Day-Four Children

2009-06-20T19:24:00.000-07:00

Well I can not believe the news we received today!!!!! Judah is officially our son-I am going to shout it again--Judah is officially our son!!!! I got the call this evening. The judge in Uganda signed the custody papers so we have four children. We now wait for the affidavit to be drawn up and a court date to be given so we can go get him. There is a chance (and I mean a miracle) that we could go to Uganda in a few weeks. The judges will be taking a break from July 15 to August 15. So what this means-- our court date will most likely be at the end of August or beginning of September. But MAYBE before July 15. I have been so amazed at how God has orchestrated every step. So as we continue to wait for the court date-we wait knowing that Judah is our son!!!!

I have to marvel at the Lord's timing. Could there be a better Father's Day gift for my precious husband?

Thanksgiving

2009-06-17T13:20:00.000-07:00

God is definitely moving in huge ways in our lives right now. A few posts ago I had shared that when Ryan's seminary was over we would be trusting to go wherever God led. We really were open to wherever He wanted to use us in ministry. And it is official . . . . after seminary we will be heading back to Nashville!!!!

We are rejoicing! Honestly, I was ready to go anywhere---but secretly hoping Ryan would be called to one of the churches in Nashville. And to my surprise---it is not only to Nashville but to Christ Presbyterian Church---our home church. I am blown away. I can see now God's hand orchestrating every detail as I look back upon the process. We honestly never imagined him being called back to the flock that we know and love so much. I am so proud of my precious husband. It was not a decision that Ryan took lightly-many factors were considered and prayed through. But, God has called Ryan to be an assistant pastor over the youth and families at Christ Presbyterian. My heart is singing and praising!

My heart is singing and praising for so many reasons----for Noah, Bella, and Emma Lynn to be close to our dear family and to grow up with friends they have known all of their lives---for the students that Ryan deeply cares for--those he has known since they were little and are now about to graduate or are in high school--for the students he taught and has longed to pour into their lives more---for the students he has yet to build a relationship with and can not wait for the opportunity to be involved in their lives---for the families at CPC that have loved us so well through the years, we can now serve them again---for the parents at CPC that we can not wait to build relationships with as we love their children together---for Wade, Emily, Will and Afton, such amazing friends to walk though the journey with---and for my Judah.....MY PRECIOUS JUDAH WILL GROW UP WITH FRIENDS FROM HIS OWN ORPHANAGE!!!!! Three other sweet families from the church or the academy are adopting from his orphanage. They will all remain forever friends!!!!!! I am marveled by my maker. And I can not put into words how overjoyed I am for Judah!!!!! I have witnessed first hand how I can not plan anything. His ways are perfect!!! I must follow where He leads even if it does not make sense.

Jesus, help me, help me to always follow where you lead . . . . and today I am falling at your feet in thanksgiving.

Life Verse

2009-06-09T18:32:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

A friend's mother gave me a "prayer basket" when I was young. In this basket she placed a bible, a journal, and a devotional. I had never studied the Bible before and at the time the language of this King James version seemed hard for me to understand. I honestly remember feeling overwhelmed on how to even begin reading or studying-but I had such a deep yearning to understand God's Word. In the Bible she had placed a bookmark inside. Provers 3:5-6 was written on the bookmark. I had no idea even where to find Proverbs- so I would sit and memorize this verse over and over. This verse became my life verse.
I can look back on times in my life where things didn't make much sense-scary times-sad times. I can also look back on times in life where things did make sense-peaceful times-jubilant times. I can vividly remember repeating this verse to myself-lean not on my own understanding-He will make my path straight-over the years I could not count how many times I have said these words to myself.

When I was pregnant with Noah we made a promise. We promised that we would pick out a verse for each of our children. With the Lord's direction, we wanted these verses to be their own-something they could claim for all their days.
When Noah was born my precious mother had a friend paint a mural over his crib with his life verse, Zephaniah 3:17. Then when Bella was born her verse was painted as a border around her room.- Eph 3: 17-19. We moved to a new home when I was pregnant with number three and when I came home from the hospital with Emma Lynn-my precious mother again had someone paint a mural. This time down the hallway leading to their rooms was their mural. This mural had trees, flowers, picket fences, swings, etc.---but also painted were all three life verses with their names above each verse. Everyday-many times- to get to their rooms I would pass their verses. It was such a sweet reminder of how God created each of them-and how He was continuing a work in them.

As I was beginning this blog-the Lord directed me to my precious Judah's verse.
Psalm 91: 14-16
"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."
When I read this verse I knew immediately this was his verse. Many times I will read it and weep. (Reader, read this again, but replace he with your own name.) It is so personal-so intimate. I have prayed and prayed this verse over Judah. My prayer is that he will realize one day that the Lord did rescue him-not only from an orpanage but to eternity. God protected him when he was left in that taxi. God answered him with a forever family. All the days of his life God will be with him, deliver him, and honor him.
As each day passes, at times I am so deeply grieved that I am missing out on his life. I can not even put into words how much it hurts sometimes-to be missing the every day little things that I take for granted with my other children. He gets bigger every day and I miss it. Even now as I am typing---lean not on my own understanding--in all my ways acknowledge Him and He will make my path straight.

Children in Uganda -You Tube

2009-05-23T19:07:00.000-07:00

Trust

2009-05-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

Friday was a great day!!! We have done everything we can do at this point!!!! Our social worker visited us for the last time a few weeks ago. She finished our home study on Wednesday and it was notarized on Friday. We picked it up and immediately had an appointment with immigration and handed it over to them!!!! Immigration now has everything they need to continue the process.
For those of you who do not know me-our family of five moved to St. Louis from Nashville last summer. We had lived in Nashville for eight years and it was home. But, God called Ryan, to complete his master of divinity at Covenant Seminary. And when He calls, I have found the best place to be is in His hands and follow. Ryan came into seminary with many hours due to taking classes online. So-one year down and one year to go. He finished finals on Friday. Between finals over and all our adoption paper work turned in -a huge weight seems to have been lifted. It made me wonder-do I really trust Him fully with EVERY detail of my life-in the good-in the bad-in the mundane? Do I really trust FULLY? It made me look back and see all that God can do- in just one year.

This time last year I was packing up our home and so sad to leave the life that we had known. Now I can honestly look back and see many mountains and few valleys from the past year. One of the lowest valleys happened the second night that we were in St. Louis. At that time we were working with a different adoption agency. We were praying and waiting for a little boy from Russia. Ryan was watching the news and all of the sudden I heard him yelling for me to come and watch. Sadly enough, the agency we were working with had been shut down for embezzling money. I can't explain the sadness I felt that night. The pit in my stomach from being so far away from all that I had known. And yet, the much greater pit in my stomach for the child whom I thought was my son. That happened almost exactly a year ago. Deep down in my heart, why do I put my trust in things that are fleeting? My redeemer is so much greater than I ever give him credit for.
The yearning to adopt continued to get stronger and stronger. I contacted a few more agencies about domestic adopting but God did not move. So I waited and the desire became even greater-almost too much to bear at times. I knew somewhere in this world there was child who needed us. Somewhere in this world there was a child who was mine. Somewhere in this world there was child waiting on me-like I was waiting. But, I could not find him. I could not figure out where God was leading.
I drove back to Nashville for a women's conference at our home church. During the lunch break -a dear friend told me how she had decided to adopt from Uganda. This friend had never even considered adopting. She told me how there was a girl (20) who was a missionary in Uganda that she heard speak- she had adopted thirteen children so far by herself! My friend told me I had to go to her blog and view with my own eyes how God was using her to feed, reach, and love so many orphans. This whole conversation lasted about four minutes. I walked back to the pew (and honestly can not remember that last talk given) because I JUST KNEW MY SON WAS IN UGANDA.
It was such a sweet wave of relief to know where in this world my child could be found. I knew at that moment and I know now that God will work out every detail of bringing my precious Judah home-I just need to trust. Almost a year ago, I was saddened to be moving to St. Louis. I know now I will be saddened again when it is time to leave. When that time comes, I will go where we are sent and tell myself again -I just need to trust.

There are links to both women that God used in our journey on the side.
Mighty to Save is my sweet friend, Dana, who is adopting from Uganda.
Amazamia is the link to follow or donate to the missionary-Katie Davis- who is literally saving lives. And has dramatically changed mine and does not even know my name.

My next blog will be about how God is giving me such an overwhelming burden for Africa and such an overwhelming burden for orphans. Literally He is removing the scales that have been over my eyes and I never want to go back.

The Meaning of a Name

2009-05-03T21:18:00.001-07:00

Choosing our children's names has always been one of my favorite things to do during the planning process. Ryan and I have honestly tried very hard to give deep meaning to each name. We love the biblical aspect and at the same time love family heritage. Each child we have not only prayed for, but we specifically prayed for their name.

Noah Wagner Doyle is our first born child. Did you ever have names stuck back in your head that you would name your future children? Well, I did (crazy I know)-and Jacob was supposed to be my first boy's name. And I LOVE the name Jacob, but when we prayed and prayed-Jacob somehow didn't fit. In Hebrew, Noah means comfort and rest. In the bible, Noah, for a lifetime walked step by step in faith as a living example to his generation. He wholeheartedly loved and obeyed God. This is my prayer for my Noah. Wagner is my maiden name. Thus-Noah Wagner Doyle.

Bella was a little trickier in naming. Bella's actual name is Elizabeth Victoria Doyle. Elizabeth in the bible was John the Baptist's mother. She was known as a deeply spiritual woman who was the first woman besides Mary to hear of the coming Savior. In the Greek rendering it means devoted to God. Both our grandmothers had Elizabeth in their names. My middle name, my mom's name, my great grandmother's name is Victoria. Thus-Elizabeth Victoria. During a prayer time, I felt like the Lord revealed to me that she would, "radiate His beauty." Bella means beauty. We made Bella a nickname for Elizabeth. And she is a Bella! Our prayer is that all the days of her life she would indeed reflect Christ's beauty.

Emma Lynn was easier. Emma is the beginning to Emmanuel-also spelled Immanuel. Emmanuel means God is with us, as predicted by Isaiah the prophet. We took the "Emma" from that phrase. Lynn was my daddy's name. He passed away a few years ago to a brain tumor. He got to hold Noah before he died-I have precious memories. He never got to hold the girls and he will never hold Judah. But, he will meet them and hold them all one day-in glory! It's a double name-southern-we call her both- Emma Lynn. It is our way of saying Lynn is with us.

We are still praying over Judah's full name-probably going to be four. I LOVE this part of the process. We really want him to ALWAYS have a part of his culture-continually taking our family back to Uganda-to serve other orphans and families. We would love to find out more about his tribe once we are in Uganda so we can include an actual African name from his tribe. Tribes are so important there so we want to honor his heritage. We picked Judah for several reasons. There were twelve tribes of Israel. Judah was one of these tribes and is often mentioned separately from the other eleven. There are several reasons for this. Judah was the largest tribe, and would be one of the few to return to God after a century of captivity under a hostile foreign power. Judah would also be the tribe through which the Messiah would come!! (Jesus came from this tribe-Judah)
Judah was also the name of one of Jacob's sons. Judah's story is a story of redemption. His life was full of mistakes yet they were redeemed. He suggested to his brothers they sell one brother, Joseph, into slavery. Yet, later in life he offers his own life in substitute for Benjamin's. This is a picture of what his descendant Jesus would do for all people. Yes, Judah was the fourth son of twelve, through whom God would eventually bring David and Jesus, the Messiah.
Our sweet Judah is already a picture of sweet redemption.
At the orphanage, they have been calling him Marvin. We are praying if we should keep this as one of his names. Honestly, we know he was not born to us-but he is ours. Having three children already that end all the same-Noah, Bella, Emma-Marvin doesn't flow too easily, whereas Noah-Bella-Emma-Judah follows the pattern. We want him to feel a part of us immediately. They are so wonderful at the orphanage they explain to the little ones that when you get your "forever family"they often rename you. They tell them that Jesus issued Simon the new name Peter based on who he was to become. Once the orphanage has received our homestudy, the staff will begin to call him "Marvin Judah"-then after a while "Judah Marvin."
I love the name "forever family" that the orphanage uses. If you break it down-we will be his family forever!!!!

Judah's Laugh

2009-04-29T11:01:00.002-07:00

How It Began

2009-04-25T20:09:00.000-07:00

Many people have asked how or why we decided to adopt -so I thought I would write and explain from the very beginning. I was one of those little girls who knew very early in life all I ever wanted to be was be a teacher or a mommy-my baby dolls were not good enough. I ADORED babies, toddlers, any little ones. I taught preschool during college and then after I became a first grade teacher. However, due to many female problems- at the age of seventeen I was told by my doctor that I would probably never have children. I think at that moment-even at that young age-a seed for adopting children was planted.

At the time, it was was pretty devastating news. This dream of my own little baby was crushed. The pain due to the female problems was great-but the pain in my heart was much greater. I remember on my third date with Ryan sharing this news and explaining that if he ever wanted children of his own-I was not the girl for him. (But never underestimate the power of God.) Years later, after having three surgeries and attending a prayer service-the next week I became pregnant with Noah. Our infertility doctor advised that after Noah was born ,we should start trying again as soon as possible for a second. Bella was born eighteen months later. When Bella was six months old, I found out that I was three months pregnant with Emma Lynn-total surprise. Our infertility doctor had never delivered three babies from the same family EVER without them being multiples! It made me realize that my plans are so futile-He always knows what is best-His ways are perfect.

I look back now and I see God's perfect timing for each little one that He has blessed us with. And where I once thought I HAD to adopt-I know now that I GET to adopt. It is a gift. It is a privilege. It is a need for so many little ones around the world. Years ago even at age seventeen- the Lord knew Judah would be my son. Those nights that I cried and cried because I thought I would not have any children-the Lord knew Judah would be my son. The seed that HE planted never died-the Lord knew Judah would be my son. When Judah was left in a taxi cab at five weeks old-the Lord knew I would be his mommy. When Judah was taken to an orphanage-the Lord knew I would be his mommy. When Judah wondered if anyone ever loved him-the Lord knew I would be his mommy.

I want to go to Uganda now. I am reminding myself yet again-my plans are so futile- He always knows what is best- His ways are perfect.

2009-04-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

Here is my first posting to Judah's blog. I must start out by saying that I am horrible (seriously horrible) with technology-those who know me well are laughing right now. The thought of getting a blog together was a little daunting, but the more I thought about it, I knew that I had to start one-to record the process-to educate about Africa-to inspire those considering adopting-to raise awareness about orphans-and to let my son know how much he was loved even before we met him.
My husband, Ryan, (whom I adore) and I have three absolutely precious children already. Noah is six-all boy, loud, outgoing, loves to watch sports, play games, yet has such compassion for those who are hurting. Bella is five-all girl, cautious, dramatic, loves to dance and sing, yet her heart for her Savior teaches me daily. Emma Lynn is four-also all girl, affectionate, content, mommy's little one who will only wear pink, yet has such joy for the life Jesus has given her. And if all goes well late summer or early fall we will get to meet our precious Judah.

Judah is three and adorable!!!! We have seen pictures and watched video clippings. Friends that have volunteered at his orphanage, Amani Baby Cottage, have given me little glimpses into his life. In all our pictures, he almost always has a HUGE smile on his face, or he is laughing. They say he is little but he tries and tries to be one of the big kids-that he is always tagging along and loves to be at the center of any fun. One day I hope he reads this and realizes how much I CAN NOT WAIT- to hold him in my arms, to kiss his face all over, to rub noses, to sing to him, to help him realize that he has not been alone these past three years. I want him to know that the waiting is very hard -that I would bring him home this second if I could. To explain to him that his Heavenly Father loved him when he lived in an orphanage and that Jesus saved him, not our family. But, how I am so grateful that God has given us this amazing little boy-this little boy that we have prayed for -for so long-our Judah.

Doyle Adoption

Raising our Right Hands

Abide

a·bide

HAPPY FIFTH BIRTHDAY JUDAH!!!!

Father's Day

Our Home

Sweet Dreams

Our Real Son

Christmas 2009-Judah's First Christmas Home

Welcome Judah-Caylee Dodson Photography

Welcome Home Judah

HE IS ON THE PLANE

Mountains and Valleys

Our Baby

Cling To The Hope

HOW HE IS DOING

HE IS OURS

Little Ones

TOMORROW

Worth It

Refuge

Memories

Satisfied With Christ Alone

Gotcha Day and First Full Day

Dear Son

Travel Plans

A Sweet Mama

Amazing Grace

I LOVE YOU, MOMMY!

Tomorrow

He Is My Strength And My Song

Opening My Eyes

Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow

Updates

Mirembe...Peace

Sometimes Things Don't Make Sense

Joining Me in Prayer

Christ Presbyterian Adoption Booklet

Peace and Rest

The Sweetness Of The Present

Proctor Blessing

No Words Only Tears Of Joy

Judah's Shower

Praying In A Parking Lot

Loved On

Those In Need

A Joyful Song of Praise

Happy Birthday My Son!!!!

Days Like Today

A Window Into Judah's World

What a Father's Day-Four Children

Thanksgiving

Life Verse

Children in Uganda -You Tube

Trust

The Meaning of a Name

Judah's Laugh

How It Began